Friday, 14 March 2014

I AIN'T AFRAID OF NO GHOSTBUSTERS 3


Ghostbusters quotes


The other week Drew McWeeny over at Hit Fix asked the following question:

“Do you really want to see Ghostbusters 3?"

In the article that followed he tried to convince us that before we said an automatic geek fueled 'Hell yes!' we should take a moment, weigh up the real, actual Hollywood business model pros and cons before then coming to the eventual answer of 'No.' His argument was predicated on the idea that in order to make the film, to satisfy the many differing requirements (four quadrant movie making – selling toys, fast food/sponsorships, paying talent/back end deals) what we'd end up with would be some ghastly bastardization of a much loved classic. A pale and unfunny imitation. You know, kinda like R.I.P.D.

Drew is right. I don't wanna see that. At all. Who would?

But I like to keep a glimmer of hope alive in my heart. Just a small spark of light fighting the good fight against cynicism and low expectations.

Maybe, just maybe we could get a new Ghostbusters movie done right.

Of course 'done right' depends very much on your own personal take. Many would argue that you simply can't do another GB movie without the original line up, especially Bill Murray. Twenty years ago I would have shared that same view. But not now. Not after all this time has passed. Don't get me wrong. I adore Murray, Ramis, Aykroyd et al but the world they created is so darn good, has so much potential that it can and should live beyond them. And anyway, Murray has shown epic disinterest in the project for decades now meaning it just ain't gonna happen with him. End of. Plus the recent sad passing of Harold Ramis has now made the 'getting the old gang back together' approach a non-starter anyway. So it's a no then to that approach.

But I don't want a remake either. Or a reboot or whatever you wanna call it.

No, what I want is a continuation, only with new characters and a wider universe to explore. That's not to say the old crew can't also appear in some shape or form. Of course they can. And they should if they want to. Personally I love the franchise idea Drew posits in his article. One that builds off of the first two films. I mean, the guys float the idea themselves in the original movie saying that the franchise rights alone could make them rich. So lets see it. Lets see other teams of Ghostbusters around the US, around the world. Some good, some bad, some screw ups, some amazing. Mix it up. Expand the universe. Go play. Go crazy. Franchise doesn't have to be a dirty word. Not here. When done right it can be the best thing ever. When done wrong it can be Transformers.

Opening the Ghostbusters concept up to go international and inter-dimensional is the way to go I say. I've always thought the concept was so awesome and so potentially huge that it could live well beyond the original movie if handled right. I mean, you could create a truly weird and funny Marvel-ous kinda universe full of monsters, ghosts, inter-dimensional worlds and beings and different groups of Earth-based Ghostbusters who work on their own or team up for various crazy missions. And with the right actors, writers, directors it could be really fun, funny and spectacular.

Okay, glimmer of hope starting to fade. Cynical hat coming back on.

Sadly I fully expect that when a new Ghostbusters does get made - and rest assured folks, we WILL get one at some point - it'll probably be a remake/reboot, a bland corporate ghost of its former self and a complete waste of potential. But we'll see. I'll still hope for the best and will keep everything crossed...except for the streams of course. Never cross the streams. Because crossing the streams is bad.

Important safety tip. Thanks, Egon.

RIP Harold Ramis

Tuesday, 31 December 2013

MY FAVOURITE FILMS OF 2013

So here's my ten favourite films of 2013 in descending order. Please note: I don't claim these as the best films of the year, just the ones I personally enjoyed the most. There are some films I saw in 2013 which would have made this chart but I left out as they were not technically 2013 UK releases but had already been released here prior to 1 Jan 2013. Also, at the bottom of this post you'll also find my five least favourite films of 2013. Enjoy.

10. THOR: THE DARK WORLD

The sequel to Kenneth Branagh's 2011 God of Thunder epic is a fast, fun, epic fantasy which opens up the restricted scope of the original to new worlds and new places on Earth (specifically London replacing a small New Mexico town). Game of Thrones' Alan Taylor comes aboard as director and brings a less shiny more lived in look to Asgard and its people. Principle cast returnees Chris Hemsworth as Thor, Natalie Portman as Jane, Kat Dennings as Darcy and Stellan Skarsgard as Eric are all once more top notch. But it's the not-so-secret weapon of Tom Hiddleston as Loki who once again commands the screen and makes the audience just love a bad guy. Above all else though, Thor: The Dark World does what the best of Marvel movies should do - it is tons of fun. And sometimes that's all you need. All hail MeuMeu!


9. THE WOLVERINE

The Wolverine sees James Mangold (Walk the Line, 3:10 to Yuma) directing Hugh Jackman as the badass mutant with the cool adamantium claws. And in doing so makes up for the horrible poop fest that was X-Men Origins: Wolverine. Based on a classic run of the comics by Chris Claremont, the story sees Logan travel to Japan at the behest of dying Japanese industrialist Yashida who as a young man was saved by Logan when the atomic bomb was dropped on Nagasaki. Yashida wants to repay his life debt to Logan by offering him the one thing he wants – mortality. However it appears there is a hidden agenda behind Logan's visit and our hirsute hero soon becomes involved with Mariko, Yashida's granddaughter, who has become a target of Yakuza gangs vying for control of her Grandfather's company. The Wolverine is a rare beast of a superhero flick in that for much of the time there are not any real super-heroics going on. It is more about character building and interaction and is not afraid to have well written, well acted scenes of just two people talking. But when the super-heroics do come then they come in style with some wonderful action sequences including a thrilling fight atop a speeding bullet train and a battle in the snow against an army of ninjas. All in all then a top notch character driven superhero thriller with Jackman hammering home yet again his total ownership of this role. Snikt!


8. IRON MAN THREE

I had a real hard time figuring out my fave Marvel movie of 2013. To be honest, it could easily be any of them (I include FOX's The Wolverine in this even though it is not part of the Marvel Cinematic Universe). They were all great and they all had something different to offer while retaining the central Marvel demand that first and foremost they be FUN! But in the end, it came down to one thing...or I should say one person. Shane Black. Yep, the man behind Lethal Weapon, The Long Kiss Goodnight and Kiss Kiss Bang Bang was given $200m and told to go away and make a superhero film. Only Marvel would be this brave. And God bless 'em for it. It is precisely these smart and often brave choices that have made their films so much quirky, endearing fun, not to mention hugely successful. So what did Shane Black do with Marvel's $200m? What he did was to pretty much discard Iron Man and instead make a Tony Stark movie. For much of this film the armor is not even in use and when it is Tony is often not in it and is instead operating it remotely. Either that or other people are getting to wear it. In IM3 Tony is cast adrift and forced to use his wits and smarts to uncover the truth behind the terrorist known as The Mandarin as well as stopping a very bad guy from creating an army of exploding super-soldiers. Black invests his film with many of his usual tropes. In parts it becomes a buddy film (Stark and the kid, Stark and Rhodey), it is set around Christmas time, there is a torture scene where the hero turns the tables on the villains. And Black is also in super playful mode as he gleefully pulls the rug out from under the audience with a controversial twist about two thirds through which puts the whole film in to a new perspective. Also he is a dab hand at witty cutting banter. As such, IM3 is very, very funny with Downey Jr yet again proving why he is Marvel's most valuable on screen player. The action sequences are all good with the two highlights being the destruction of Stark's home via missile attack and the brilliant mid-air rescue of Air Force One passengers in free fall. The ending might devolve in to a bit of a flying CGI melee but it still contains some great character beats and gags amidst the carnage. Performances are all great with Downey Jr still at the top of his game. But special mention must go to Sir Ben Kingsley as The Mandarin. He is scary and...a lot more. Oh, and Brian Tyler provides a wonderfully toe tapping score with his end theme being sublime. So yeah, in the end, Iron Man Three clinches the title of top Marvel movie of 2013 mostly by virtue of being a Shane Black flick. And thanks to Marvel (and IM3 making $1.2bn), Black will now go on to make more movies of his choosing. And for that alone we must all be truly grateful.


7. THE HUNGER GAMES: CATCHING FIRE

Francis Lawrence (Constantine, I Am Legend) replaces Gary Ross as this series' director, and in film number two brings a wider scope and deeper mythos to the building story of Katniss Everdeen and her growing role as unwilling focus for a building rebellion in the future land of Panem. The story here builds logically and smartly on the first film with nasty President Snow (a wonderfully snakelike Donald Sutherland) looking to discredit our heroine before getting her killed in a new round of winners only Hunger Games. Once again Jennifer Lawrence is superb as Katniss – steely and smart, haunted and vulnerable. And she is given strong support by the rest of the cast with special mention going to the fab Elisabeth Banks as Effie Trinkett who brings new depth to the previously shallow Escort to the District 12 Tributes. As before, the underlying themes are all about social control, the power of a complicit media, and the horrific extravagance and waste of the Capitol contrasted against the extreme poverty of everywhere else. It is perhaps this huge gap between the haves and have nots of Panem that hits home hardest making for a powerful message in this time of real world austerity for the poor and seemingly continuing greed and avarice for the wealthy. What makes this series work and raises it above all other young adult adaptations is that it has something serious and important on its mind. It is actually about something. Something important. Plus it has at its center perhaps the best leading lady and character actress of her generation in Jennifer Lawrence. I mean, how awesome must it be to be Jennifer Lawrence right now? Pretty damn awesome I reckon. Top of the world. Girl on Fire! And good for her. Bring on Mockingjay.


6. ODD THOMAS

Tricky one this. Odd Thomas has not been officially released anywhere yet. It's been made for nearly two years but due to legal wranglings remains locked in distribution limbo with no release in sight. I saw it via other means and we'll leave it at that. That this movie hasn't been and may not be released is a crying shame. Based on the novel by Dean R Koontz, Odd Thomas tells the story of a young man, a short order cook in a small town, who has the ability to see and communicate with recently dead people. Dead people who often need Odd's help to pass on. And being a kindly soul, Odd is more than willing to oblige them, using the knowledge the dead impart to him to track down murderers, rapists and all kinds of scum. However when Odd starts seeing a major increase in the number of bodachs (invisible creatures that appear when death and disaster is near), he becomes convinced that something terrible is going to befall his town and sets out to stop it from happening. Now I've not read Koontz's books so I have no idea how faithful the movie is or isn't. What I do know though is Odd Thomas the film, as written and directed by Stephen (The Mummy) Sommers is an imaginative, witty, warm, emotional and exciting supernatural adventure helped along by a great cast led by Anton Yelchin who is superb as the highly capable and likable Odd. Yelchin is wonderfully supported by Addison Timlin as Stormy, Odd's cute and loyal girlfriend, and Willem Dafoe as local Police Chief Porter, a friendly father figure to young Odd. The core of the film though is Odd and Stormy. And they are great together. You really do buy in to their playful, loving relationship and the obvious history behind it. You care about these two kids. The supernatural story proceeds as you'd expect – always fun, always creepy, always cool – but the tale of Odd and Stormy is what counts. By movie's end I don't mind admitting that I was moved. An emotional connection had been made. The film had worked. It was lots of creepy charming fun, yes, but it connected too. And in the end, that is what really counts. Way to go, Odd one.


5. JOURNEY TO THE WEST: CONQUERING THE DEMONS

Okay, so I had a big silly grin on my face all the way through this. Genius Chinese filmmaker Stephen (Shaolin Soccer, Kung Fu Hustle) Chow returns with his epic prequel to the famous 16th century Chinese novel Journey to the West by Wu Cheng'en. To western audiences (especially kids who grew up in 70's/80's Britain) Journey to the West is best known as the classic Japanese TV show Monkey! The novel and TV show concerns the pilgrimage of Buddhist monk Xuanzang who traveled to India to obtain sacred texts with the aid of three protectors: a magical monkey king with fabulous powers, a pig demon, and a water demon given human form. But instead of telling this tale again, Chow has created his own prequel concerning Xuanzang and his pre-pilgrimage days as a rather hopeless Buddhist demon hunter who won't slay the demons but prefers instead to naively use the non-violent method of reading old nursery rhymes with the intention of calming the demons down and reawakening their goodness. Of course this approach does not go well for Xuanzang who soon runs in to a fellow demon hunter called Duan, a tough and beautiful woman who slays demons the old school way. Xuanzang doesn't seem to like his new competition very much. Duan though becomes hopelessly smitten by the hopeless young monk/demon hunter and their paths intertwine, eventually leading them both to come face to face with the legendary Monkey King imprisoned by the Buddha beneath a mountain. To be honest, there is not much of any real story to Journey to the West: Conquering the Demons. It is mostly a series of incidents as poor hapless Xuanzang keeps trying (and failing) to calm those demons and become a better man through finding enlightenment. The film's throughline is Xuanzang and Duan and their weird and wacky one sided courtship mixed in with lots of gloriously entertaining set pieces involving all kinds of crazy monsters and Tom and Jerry style cartoon action. This could easily have been one big rambling mess. But Stephen Chow knows what he is doing. And like the awesome Kung Fu Hustle, Journey to the West: Conquering the Demons ends up a wildly inventive, very funny, very silly blast. The fact that it is based around the same tale that brought joy to millions of 70s/80s kids like me is just an added bonus. This time out though, Chow does not star in his own movie as he usually does. A younger actor was required to play Xuanzang. And Wen Zhang is a spot on Chow substitute. Then there is the beautiful Shu Qi (best known to western audiences as Jason Statham's 'cargo' in the first Transporter) who is terrific as the feisty, fighty, slightly unhinged Duan. The movie looks great too with big detailed sets, glorious design and lots of nifty FX. But in the end it is the pure nutty fun factor that Chow can harness so well in his films that makes this one a winner. Sequel please.


4. WOLF CHILDREN

Acclaimed Japanese director Mamoru (The Girl Who Leapt Through Time, Summer Wars) Hosoda co-writes and directs this beautiful, simple animated film that tells the story of nineteen year old Hana who meets and falls in love with a man who she soon discovers is the last of his race: a legendary tribe who can physically transform in to wolves. The pair marry and Hana soon becomes pregnant, eventually giving birth to a daughter, Yuki, and then a year later a son, Ame. However tragedy strikes and Hana and her two small children are left alone with Hana struggling to bring up two small wolf children with hardly any money and no experience of rearing such creatures. All the while she is also trying to keep the children's existence secret from the rest of the world while also trying to give the two (literal) nippers enjoyable and fulfilling lives. Mamoru Hosoda has said that Wolf Children was conceived as his love letter to motherhood, to mothers the world over. And that it is. There is no big intricate story here. There are no bad guys. What there is, is a mother struggling against all odds to make a wonderful life for her two growing children while also giving them the strength and the space to find out who they are and to make the right choices for themselves. The film rings true throughout and visually it is truly lovely with the gorgeous and vivid watercolour style countrysides striking to behold as are the almost photo-realistic cityscapes. Perhaps the single greatest sequence in the film is of Hana playing with and chasing her two small wolf children through the snow on the mountainside where they live, all three of them filled with such unbound joy. Truly uplifting stuff. Wolf Children is a lovely film. Touching and emotional without being sentimental. Funny and charming throughout. The Girl Who Leapt Through Time and Summer Wars were both great but this is Mamoru Hosoda's best film to date. A treat.


3. MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING

So, you're in the middle of directing one of the biggest blockbuster movies of all time (3rd biggest to be exact) and you get two weeks off. What do you do? Take the wife and kids on a break? Go home and sleep? Well, if you are Joss Whedon you go make a film in your own house with no money starring a load of your friends. And not just any film either. Oh no. You make an adaptation of a Shakespeare play. In black and white. But surely not I hear you cry? That could never work. No where near enough time. And who the heck wants to watch a black and white Shakespeare play shot in someone's backyard anyway? Well, me as it turns out. And a lot of other people too. I won't bother with a plot summary. Go look it up if you don't know. Just know that Beatrice loves Benedick and vice versa but neither of them know it or will admit it until romantic circumstances arising between Benedick's friend and compatriot Claudio and Beatrice's cousin Hero force the issue. There are conspiracies, back-stabbings, tragedy, fury, romance, and lots of laughs. Yes, I swear. It is honestly, properly funny. Possibly the first time I have ever found a Shakespeare comedy funny. This being a Joss Whedon film he focuses on the gender issues highlighted by the story with Beatrice's heartfelt and rightly furious rant about the unfairness of it all being a highlight. Oh yeah, Amy Acker as Beatrice. She is fabulous. But then she always has been right back to her days as Fred and Iliyria on Angel. And as Benedick, Alexis Denisof is also great, full of swaggering charisma and latterly a growing fury and passion. The rest of the cast are good too including Clark Gregg as Leonato, the governor of Messina, and Fran Kranz as Claudio. However it is the duo of Nathan Fillion and Tom Lenk as bumbling cops Dogberry and Verges who almost steal the entire movie. They are hilarious. Even if you don't understand the language you will get what they are doing. Comedy gold. I've watched this several times now since it came out and it never gets dull. In fact, it is a pure joy from start to finish. I truly hope Joss shoots some more Shakespeare plays this way. It would be a crime not to let his little rep company get their Bard out more often for all of us to enjoy. Yup, Joss (and William) remains Boss!


2. PACIFIC RIM

It's big. It's not subtle. It's kinda daft. But boy, is it a blast! Guillermo del Toro brings to the screen in the way only he could the story of humans piloting giant mechas knows as Jaegers to fight off the cross dimensional invasion of giant monsters who appear through a rift at the bottom of the Pacific Ocean. And that's pretty much it really. There's not any great depth to Pacific Rim (except when they are literally at the bottom of the Pacific of course). It's a giant monsters versus giant robots smash em up movie as filtered through the brain of monster loving, clockwork/gears obsessed Mexican geek demi-god del Torro. The cool and imposing Idris Elba as Stacker Penticost leads the charge for humanity in the dying days of the Humans vs Kaiju war which humans are now losing. However Penticost has one last card to play. He has a plan to end the war forever with one last major strike against the Kaiju's rift at the bottom of the sea. Raleigh Becket (Charlie Hunnam), a washed-up Jaeger pilot is called out of retirement and teamed with rookie pilot Mako Mori (Rinko Kikuchi) who also happens to be Penticost's adoptive daughter, to lead this last-ditch effort to defeat the Kaijus. What Pacific Rim really is, is an old fashioned WW2 against the odds mission movie. Backs against the wall, chaps. Tally ho! The look and design of the film for all its high tech robots echoes WW2 flicks from the Jaeger hangers and bases and barracks to the battered leather fleece lined jackets the pilots wear. It is this future retro feel that really makes me love the movie. That and the terrific visuals including the designs of the Jaegers and the various monstrous Kaijus. The epic battles when they happen are humongous and inventively staged slug fests using supertankers as baseball bats to batter a monster and rocket powered arms to land a more powerful punch. The performances are fine with Elba being suitably gruff and intense and Hunnam reluctantly heroic. Rinko Kakuchi as Mako is good too with a nice line in deceptive fragility. However it is the little girl Mana Ashida who plays Mako as a child who deserves most credit. The sequence of her wandering Tokyo utterly terrified as a massive Kaiju runs riot is scary good. The poor kid looks like del Toro was threatening to shoot a puppy off camera or something. Tremendous performance! In the end, Pacific Rim is just big gleeful nonsense. But I bloody loved every minute of it. Thankfully (mostly due to the great people of China) it became an international hit after only doing so so in the US. This may mean we get to see a sequel, although the movie ends the story perfectly so I wouldn't be too upset if we didn't get another does of this mecha on monster action.


1. GRAVITY

In space nobody can hear you crap your pants! At the start of this end of year round up I made the point that I am not claiming these to be 'the best' films of the year, merely the films I have personally enjoyed the most. However I can honestly say that Gravity IS the best film I saw this year. Hands down. It is quite simply astonishing. Sandra Bullock is scientist Dr Ryan Stone who becomes stranded in orbit after her shuttle is destroyed by debris from a satellite mishap. Along with fellow astronaut Kowalski (George Clooney) she must find a way to get back to Earth before either the debris field comes around again or they both run out of oxygen. What follows is one of the most intense, scary, stressful, beautiful, awe inspiring pieces of cinema ever. Just the visuals alone with the groundbreaking use of CGI and other visual FX is enough to make your jaw hit the floor, but add in the buttock clenching and seemingly hopeless fight for survival and you end up with what is an unparalleled cinematic experience. Gravity is only one of three films you simply must see in 3D. The other two being Avatar and Hugo. Okay, so Gravity is basically a genre film which plays out kinda like a horror movie. But it does have depth to it. It has themes and layers. The main ones being about the preciousness of life, birth and rebirth, the vastness of the cosmos but also the vastness of the human spirit and its will to survive, to go on no matter what. Of the actors, Clooney is of course splendid but the film belongs completely to Bullock who cements her position as one of the biggest genuine movie stars on the planet as well as being a tremendous actress. Because despite the visual wonders on show if you don't buy in to Dr Ryan Stone as a character then nothing else will work. But buy in you do. Gotta say for a woman in her late 40's Sandy B is seriously bucking the Hollywood starlet meatgrinder trend. And more power to her. But the success of Gravity would not have been possible without the visionary direction of Alfonso Cuarón, the genius Mexican director of Children of Men, Y Tu Mamá También, and the sublime A Little Princess. Cuarón is simply one of the very best filmmakers working today and I can't wait to see what he does next. Make no mistake, Gravity is the real deal. A tremendous piece of film making with a great central performance from a genuine movie star. I just hope Warners re-release it every few years so we can continue to see it as it was meant to be seen: on a huge screen in 3D. Cuz I really want that experience back.


Bubbling under:

Django Unchained, Rush, American Mary, The World's End, Les Miserables

And now my bottom five films of 2013:

5. THE MORTAL INSTRUMENTS: CITY OF BONES

A dull, hackneyed grab bag from other better fantasy franchises stuffed together in to this confusing, poorly written and completely uninvolving bore of a film. Only the super cute Lily Collins makes this even close to bearable. Thankfully it flopped...and yet they are making a sequel. Huh?

4. DRACULA 3D (Dario Argento's film)

Oh how the once mighty have fallen. Dario Argento has been a true visionary in the realm of horror cinema with classics such as Deep Red, Suspiria and Tenebre. But those days are long gone. Dracula 3D is a laughably bad retelling of Stoker's classic featuring some truly terrible acting, awful FX and poor general production values. Argento manages to reduce Stoker's creepy gothic horror story to a silly bland cartoon. Only buxom vampire bride Tania played by the gorgeous Miriam Giovanelli provides any life being charismatically sexy and nicely ferocious in her role. But this is mostly some major suckage.

3. LOVE BITE

A British alleged horror comedy set in a small seaside town which sees teen Jamie (Ed Speleers) and his three pals looking to get laid so that they don't fall victim to a possible werewolf who is out hunting down virgins. The situation gets complicated by Jamie falling for a visiting American girl Juliana (Jessica Szohr) who may or may not harbour a dark secret. Okay, so the filmmakers were obviously going for something akin to The Inbetweeners meets Cherry Falls meets Ginger Snaps. Unfortunately they failed dismally on every level. It's crude. Sure, that's easy. But it ain't funny. And it sure ain't scary, tense or even gory. It is just a big fat nothing. A big empty hole lasting 90 mins. I felt sorry for poor Timothy Spall as a deranged werewolf hunter. How did he end up in this rubbish?

2. A GOOD DAY TO DIE HARD

And so director John Moore and writer Skip Woods took a franchise I love (the first Die Hard is my second fave film ever), killed it, shat on it but then didn't even bother to flush it. They just left it there lying dead in cinema's toilet bowl mouldering away for us all to see before we turn away in violent disgust. Fuck them. Fuck them all. The basic premise of this the fifth Die Hard film is fine - McClane goes to Russia to help out his son who is in a spot of bother and gets dragged in to a criminal conspiracy to steal nuclear weapons. So far so solid. Problem is the resulting script is awful being filled with bad plotting, terrible dialogue and worst of all devolving John McClane – one of cinema's greatest heroes – in to a grumpy, ignorant, unlikable borderline psychopath who appears to care nothing about crushing cars with innocent civilians inside and seems to glory in getting his gun off whenever he can. That is NOT John McClane! McClane is always a reluctant hero, just a regular guy who is not eager for violence but who will step up and do the right thing if needed. But above all...he CARES!!! Add in the fact that John Moore is a director who can't shoot decent action to save his life and is incapable of bringing a sense of life or energy or drama to anything he makes and what we end up with is a complete and utter travesty of a Die Hard film. For all those people who thought Die Hard 4.0 was bad (I don't, I really like it) well, watch this and you'll think it was a stunner by comparison. Part of me hopes this is the end of McClane's adventures as I don't want to see the great man shat on anymore. But another part of me hopes that when John McTiernan is let out of prison he will get to make a sixth and final Die Hard which will restore the good name of the franchise and above all the good name and high standing of Mr John McClane. This? This is just utter, utter dispiriting shit. Shame on you, FOX.

1. A HAUNTED HOUSE

Any other year and A Good Day to Die Hard would easily clinch the bottom spot on this chart. However this year The Wayans Brothers (chiefly Marlon) unleashed this utterly wretched turd of a film on us. It's basically a spoof of the Paranormal Activity films (a series I've given up on now after the crap fourth film) that is so spectacularly unfunny and even offensive in places that I was quite amazed while struggling through it. What is even more amazing is that it made money and a sequel is on its way. Oh god no! But hey, if you think Marlon Wayans gurning like an idiot amidst lots of shouting, stupid sex jokes, borderline homophobic jokes, as well as a sequence which sees a young child being violently beaten is remotely funny then good luck to you. I don't. Quite the opposite in fact. I found nothing at all to like about this. I hated every vile second. At least A Good Day to Die Hard had a good score from Marco Beltrami to distract me from its shitness. No such luck here. Congrats Wayans Bros. With the likes of this, White Chicks and Littleman you continue to scrape the bottom of the comedy barrel. Gross.


That's all folks. Happy cinema going for 2014.

Tuesday, 10 December 2013

BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER 6.11 GONE


SMG on Craig Ferguson (cuz she is cute and funny)

WRITER: David Fury

DIRECTOR: David Fury

WHAT’S THE SITCH?

To help Willow in her recovery Buffy and Dawn clear the house of any and all magic items and supplies. But while they are doing so, Buffy receives an unwelcome visit from Spike, followed by an even more unwelcome visit from a social worker who has come to check up on Dawn's home life. Unfortunately the meeting with the social worker doesn't go well. That, alone with Spike's insistent lustful presence drives the now furious-with-herself Slayer to run upstairs and hack off her long blond hair. Meanwhile, across town, the Geek Trio have built themselves an invisibility ray and while out testing it accidentally go and hit Buffy with the ray as she is leaving the hairdressers, turning her invisible. Slayer related hijinks ensue.

WHAT’S THE SITCH BENEATH THE SITCH?

The freedom of being invisible, of being freed to do what you want and behave how you want without anybody knowing. Also, as far as Buff is concerned, she is free from the judging eyes of her friends and from Spike's lustful eyes and Dawn's angry eyes. But most importantly she is free from having to look in to her own eyes, free from seeing herself and who she thinks she has become.

WHO’S GIVING US THE WIGGINS THIS WEEK?

The Geek Trio I guess, though mostly Warren who it is becoming clear is the one who truly has no problem hurting others, especially women.

WHY IT ROCKS

A nice idea. Becoming invisible is a standard for almost every scifi/horror/fantasy series. But as always with Buffy it is used primarily as a means to explore character. In this case it is about how Buffy sees herself and how she thinks others see her...or don't see her. The show already did one episode concerning invisibility, season one's Out of Sight, Out of Mind, in which teenage Marcie became invisible for real after being ignored and sidelined by her peers for so long. That story was about alienation and teen rage. This one is about adult life pressures and guilt.

Funny. Okay, forget the metaphor and larger season arc, Gone is simply a very funny episode with more than one laugh out loud moment. Writer/director David Fury is not afraid to go very silly (and pretty raunchy) to make us smile. And it works.

Buffy larks around. Many good ones from Buff as she enjoys her new found invisible freedom. Love the 'eye' balls at the Magic Box, stealing the meter man's car (“So long coppa!”) and The Shining inspired repetitive typing at the social worker's office designed to freak the poor woman out (All work and no play makes Doris a dull girl.) Heh.

Spike doing his 'push ups'. Oh Xander, surely you can't be that dense? Walking in on Spike in bed humping away on an invisible Buffy and falling for Spike's 'I'm exercising' line. Plus you can clearly see Spike's ear moving as it is being nibbled on while he talks to Xander. Mind you, if I was Xan I wouldn't think Buff would be doing that kind of thing with Spike either. But whatever the case, the scene is very, very funny. And love how it ends with invisible Buff winning over a petulant Spike by giving him a special happy as, taken by surprise, he looks down at his (out of shot) groin and states, 'Hey, that's cheating.' Tsk tsk. Naughty Buff.

Direction. David Fury does a great job directing his script. His direction is wonderfully inventive, especially how he treats invisible Buffy and the invisible Trio as if you could still see them, following them 'in shot', zooming in for reaction shots we can't see, and shooting an invisible fight scene as if it were all entirely visible. Great stuff and most amusing.

WHY IT SUCKS

Very silly. Okay, maybe it does get a bit too silly for its own good. And the Trio, while fun, are still just three clever twits messing about and doing nothing very compelling.

Buffy's hair. Blimey! Never before (or since) has so much attention been paid to Buffy's hair as in this episode. Everyone and their sister comments and has an opinion on it. At least Xander has the good sense to be exasperated by this, just like the audience. It is obvious that in the first act SMG is wearing a pretty heinous wig which she then hacks away at before heading to the hairdressers for her new short do. I'm guessing SMG got her hair cut meaning they had to shoe horn this in for continuity sake.

IT’S BUFFTASTIC

Spike's exercise routine

DIALOGUE TO DIE FOR

Buffy: So you three have, what... banded together to be pains in my ass?
Warren Meers: We're your "arch-nemesises-ses".

Buffy (to social worker): You know, I know what that looks like, but I-I swear it's not what it looks like. It's magic weed. It's not mine.

Jonathan Levinson: [Warren almost hits Jonathon with an invisibility ray] You penis!

Andrew Wells (about the invisible ray gun): I pictured something cooler. More ILM, less Ed Wood.

Xander: [as Xander walks in on Spike on top of invisible Buffy] Spike? What are you doing?
Spike: What am I-... What does it look like I'm doing, you nit? I'm exercising, aren't I?
[starts doing "push-ups"]
Xander: Exercising? Naked? In bed?
Spike: A man shouldn't use immortality as an excuse to let himself go. You gotta keep fit for killing.
Xander: Ya-huh.

AND ANOTHER THING

Doris the social worker is played by Susan Ruttan who you may remember played Arnie Becker's secretary Roxanne in LA Law

Doris's co-worker in the Social Services Office is played by writer/director David Fury's wife Elin Hampton. Together the couple co-wrote Season 2's "Go Fish".

Gone is the first episode without Amber Benson (Tara) since season five's 'Into The Woods' and marks only the sixth episode without her since she was introduced in season four's 'Hush'.

Buffy cheerily whistles a bit of Going Through the Motions from Once More, With Feeling after making social worker Doris Kroger look crazy.

HOW MANY STAKES?

Gone but not forgotten. 3.5 (out of 5)

Thursday, 5 December 2013

BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER 6.10 WRECKED


Trailer

WRITER: Marti Noxon

DIRECTOR: David Solomon

WHAT’S THE SITCH?

Returning home the next morning following their respective nights out, Buffy is ashamed of having slept with Spike and Willow is exhausted from having used so much magic. Later, still feeling drained from her over indulgence, Willow is taken by Amy to see a grubby sorcerer named Rack who deals in quick and powerful fixes of dark magic which quickly get Willow hooked. Later on that evening and Willow and Dawn head out together to go see a movie but Willow decides to make a stop at Rack's on the way to get another fix. This puts poor Dawn in to all sorts of unnecessary danger with the unforeseen consequences of Willow's latest dark magic fix being the summoning of a deadly demon who seems intent on killing the doped up witch and her teenage charge.

WHAT’S THE SITCH BENEATH THE SITCH?

Drug addiction and its consequences to both the individual and to those they love.

WHO’S GIVING US THE WIGGINS THIS WEEK?

Nasty dark magic dealer Rack, a scary demon, and also Willow and her magically addicted selfishness.

WHY IT ROCKS

Self satisfied Spike lying amidst the rubble and waving Buffy's discarded underwear at the disgusted-with-herself slayer.

Trippy, man! The sequences of Willow high (literally) on Rack's magic are nicely shot with some cool trippy FX.

Jeff Kober is suitably sleazy and creepy as Rack.

Willow enchanting one of Tara's dresses, filling it out with an invisible body to snuggle up to is touching and a wonderful visual effect.

Alyson Hannigan does doped up and self destructive pretty well.

Buffy's quiet talk with a distraught Willow and seeing herself in Willow's shoes thanks to her own 'addiction' to Spike is a great scene with SMG nailing every beat.

WHY IT SUCKS

The drug addiction metaphor is so in your face that it soon becomes kind of annoying. Don't do drugs kids, mmkay?

Neither Dawn nor Willow are wearing seat belts when the car they are in crashes in to the pillar at speed. No apparent airbags either. Dawnie would have gone through the wind sheild and Willow been crushed against the steering wheel. Both would almost certainly be goners. Yet both girls walk away with a few cuts, bruises and one slight fracture.

IT’S BUFFTASTIC

Magical Tara dress.

DIALOGUE TO DIE FOR

Xander: Anya has a theory. She thinks Martha Stewart froze that guy.
Anya: Don't be ridiculous. Martha Stewart isn't a demon. She's a witch.
Xander: Please, she... really?
Anya: Of course. Nobody could do that much decoupage without calling on the powers of darkness

Buffy: When...when did the building fall down?

Buffy: The only thing that's different is that I'm disgusted with myself. That's the power of your charms. Last night was the most perverse, degrading experience of my life.
Spike (grins): Yeah. Me, too.

Dawn: I'll leave a note for Buffy on the refrigerator. That's the first place she goes after patrolling. She's such a pig after she kills things.

Dawn: It was like a meat party in my mouth! Okay, now I'm just a kid and even I know that came out wrong.

AND ANOTHER THING

Actor Jeff Kober who plays Rack is probably best known in the UK for his series of Bacardi adverts, in which he was Ray from Reef Radio. He also played insane vampire Zackary Kralik in the season 2 Buffy episode Helpless.

The music playing when Willow is floating on Rack's ceiling is Laika's Black Cat Bone.

This episode is dedicated in memoriam to J.D. Peralta, who was Marti Noxon's assistant. She died of cancer on November 12, 2002, at the age of 31.

HOW MANY STAKES?

Amidst the wreckage we find 3 (out of 5)

BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER 6.9 SMASHED


Dailies

WRITER: Drew Z. Greenberg

DIRECTOR: Turi Meyer

WHAT’S THE SITCH?

After her break up with Tara, a morose Willow successfully de-rats Amy and the two powerful witches begin hanging out together and having fun with their magic, which pulls Willow ever deeper into her growing addiction and eventually puts Dawn in danger too. Meanwhile, Spike discover that the chip in his head, which is supposed to prevent him from hurting humans, doesn't kick in after he gets in to some angry fisticuffs with Buffy. After a quick trip to the nerd trio for a consult, the platinum vamp comes to the conclusion that his chip is working fine and that it is actually post-resurrection Buffy who is now somehow 'wrong'.

WHAT’S THE SITCH BENEATH THE SITCH?

Making bad choices. Giving in to temptation. Going to dark destructive places.

In Smashed, Willow succumbs fully to her magic addiction and with the now de-ratted Amy she finds the perfect enabler as well as partner in crime. Amy is the anti-Tara. She has no sense of responsibility, no self control. Magic to her is all about her own pleasure and fun. She doesn't see the self destructive side of it, or if she does she chooses to ignore it. And Willow follows her down that path with only the smallest of nudges needed. Meanwhile Buffy is also being tempted and pulled down a dark self destructive path of her own by non other than Spike. She knows he is not good for her and that being 'with' him will only lead to bad things. And yet...

WHO’S GIVING US THE WIGGINS THIS WEEK?

Hmm, there is no real villain here. No big monster. The enemy is within both Buffy and Willow: their own weakness in the face of temptation. Spike gets an honourable mention though for threatening the Fett.

WHY IT ROCKS

Character, character, character! This is an internal episode. This time the monsters are within. Smashed is all about what Willow and Buffy are feeling, how they are dealing (or not dealing) with the current state of their lives. We watch them think, feel, make choices, and ultimately take dangerous paths.

Amy the ex-Rat. Yup, Amy the witch who turned herself in to a rat to escape a roasting in the season 3 episode Gingerbread is finally de-ratted by Willow. Elizabeth Anne Allen returns as Amy and she is great.

Freeze Ray. The Trio's diamond powered freeze ray is a mucho fun precursor to Doctor Horrible's same invention.

Tara. Amber Benson is always wonderful as Tara and never more so than here as she spends time with Dawn and promises her that although she and Willow are not together anymore she will still always be there for the teenager.

Buffy at the museum jumping up and down to try and see over the gathered crowd's heads as the frozen guard is wheeled away. Buff looks so tiny and cute here as she tries to see what's going on. She may be super powered but she's still ickle.

Magic pool. Amy and Willow play a game of pool at the Bronze sans cues. Very cool.

Spike and Buffy bring the house down. Yep, THAT scene is in this ep. Finally, vampire and slayer get it on. And the results are destructive and unforgettable.

WHY IT SUCKS

Willow and Amy's hijinks at the Bronze are kinda lame.

Somehow I don't think the British Museum would lend Sunnydale Museum a huge priceless diamond, especially seeing how there is no security except for one aged security guard called Rusty.

IT’S BUFFTASTIC

And the house comes down as Buff and Spike get freaky

DIALOGUE TO DIE FOR

Willow: I know. Xander engaged. I couldn't believe it either.
Amy: It's so weird. So, what's she like?
Willow: Thousand year old, capitalist ex-demon with rabbit phobia.
Amy: Well, that's so his type.

Buffy: Hey, how've you been?
Amy: Rat. You?
Buffy: Dead.
Amy: Oh.

Spike: I'm in love with you.
Buffy: You're in love with pain!

Warren: Right. But you don't want to hurt the Fett... because, man, you're not comin' back from that! You know, you don't just do that and walk away.

AND ANOTHER THING

The Spike and Buffy getting it on scene was originally a lot longer and more graphic but the network, UPN, told Joss and co. it needed to be cut back. Also CGI smoke was added to help obscure certain shots.

Due to the rather intense nature of the Buffy/Spike sex scene this episode became the focus of a FCC investigation for indecency after a complaint from a watchdog group. Fortunately, the FCC deemed the episode as not being indecent at all.

When Willow and Amy visit the Bronze, the band Virgil are performing the track Vermillion Borders. Later, when Willow grows bored of the music, she transforms them into another group, Halo Friendlies.

HOW MANY STAKES?

A smashing 3.5 out of 5

Saturday, 19 October 2013

TEN OF MY FAVOURITE MOMENTS IN HORROR CINEMA

In anticipation of Halloween in a few days time here's a list of ten of my favourite moments/scenes from horror cinema. They are not in any order plus they are not all of them scary. But they are some of the moments/scenes that have left a lasting impression on me. There are lots of others that could have been included (and probably should have been) but these ones will do for now. Let me know what you think. Enjoy.

Poltergeist – "Now lets go get your daughter!"
This never fails to give me chills. Pure Spielberg. Zelda Rubinstein is great as Tangina and Jobeth Williams gives one of the best 'mom' performances ever. Plus she's cute.


An American Werewolf in London – On the Moors
It could have been any number of moments from this film but for pure tension, atmosphere and scare value it is hard to top this one.


Ringu – Sadako
Simply one of the most downright creepy, chilling sequences ever.


The Grudge – Bedtime
I wanted to put the original Ju-on clip in but couldn't find it. Still, this is pretty much identical and simply terriyfing on a conceptual level. Bed should always be safe and secure. Brrr


Night of the Living Dead – "They're coming to get you Barbara!"
Romero's opening to his seminal 1968 horror. Weird, unsettling and brilliant!


The Eye – Elevator
Pure tension and creeptastic atmosphere from the Pang Brother's classic chiller. Love it.


Halloween – 1st Person Stabber
Carpenter's masterclass on use of Steadicam and in creating grim atmosphere which will underlie the rest of the film. Genius.


The Exorcist – "The sow is mine!"
I was going to include another clip (the one with the crucifix – you know the one I mean) but couldn't bring myself to do it. Yes, I bottled out. But this one will do fine.


Let the Right One In – "You have to invite me in."
I adore this film. This scene is more emotional than scary being about growing trust and love while still managing to be icky and uncomfortable. The young actors sell it marvelously.


Curse/Night of the Demon (1957) – Forest Chase
A short atmospheric clip from Jacques Tourneur's 1957 British horror classic. A great movie.