BUFFY 5.14: THE CRUSH

WRITER: David Fury

DIRECTOR: Daniel Attias

WHAT’S THE SITCH?

A train pulls in to Sunnydale station. All its passengers are dead, drained of blood. Buffy investigates, knowing that a vampire was to blame. Meanwhile Dawn hangs out with Spike who she thinks is cool and who she has a bit of a crush on. But she soon works out that he is in love with her sister. She tells Buffy this, much to the Slayer’s horror. And so Buff goes and confronts Spike who finally admits it to her. Buff, appalled, tells him to stay away from her. Soon, though, the new vamp in town makes herself known: Drusilla. She’s back and looking to put the old family back together with newly vamped Darla back in LA and Angel primed to turn evil again. Despite his chip it seems that Spike is tempted but he bluffs both Dru and Buff and knocks them both out and chains them both up in his crypt where he intends to prove his love to Buffy by staking Dru for her. But Buff is less than impressed….and then Harmony, Spike’s current girlfriend turns up, looking for payback. Ouch!

WHAT’S THE SITCH BENEATH THE SITCH?

Love makes you do the Whacky as Buff herself once said. And it certainly does here to poor old Spike. Caught in a love and loyalty trap between his old paramour and sire, the mad as a box of frogs Drusilla, and the girl he’s fallen head over heels for, his one time sworn enemy, the Buffster. Add in the poor used and abused Harmony and Spike has got himself in a pretty pickle here. His solution is…uh…interesting and makes sense in his brain: finally dispose of his past to prove what his future can be with the one he truly loves. Only it doesn’t quite work out that way for poor William, the sensitive, permanently love struck poet.

WHO’S GIVING US THE WIGGINS THIS WEEK?

Drusilla

WHY IT ROCKS

James Marsters. This is a Spike episode. It’s all about him, who he is, what he is feeling, what he is prepared to do about it. And James is as great as ever. Whether he’s telling scary stories by candlelight to Dawn, drinking bourbon and singing along to The Ramones, declaring his love to Buff, or having a full-on rant at the two most important women in his life (who he’s just chained up in his crypt) for making his life so sodding miserable, he’s a powerhouse.

Spike and Harmony’s sexcapades. Love how Spike gets Harm to dress up like Buffy and role play being her, hunting him, trying to stake him, before he goes and grabs her for some, ahem, action.

Juliette Landau. I know she gets a hard time from a lot of fans. And, yes, the accent still sucks, and the craziness can be kinda grating, but Juliette always manages to make Dru truly creepy and disconcerting. I like her. I’m a Dru fan. And seeing the old double act back together (if only briefly) is pretty cool.

WHY IT SUCKS

The story is fine and all but there are better Spike (and Dru) episodes out there. Good but not that memorable.

Why the heck does Buff let Dru just walk out of Spike’s crypt? Why didn’t she call Spike’s bluff when she was chained up and get him to stake Dru once and for all? I’m glad Dru is still around but it doesn’t make a whole heap of sense. Dru is a true monster. But Buff just lets her go. And come to think of it, if she hates Spike as much as she says she does, why doesn’t she just stake him too and be done? We can only assume that somewhere deep down she does have some feelings for him. Either that or she is just using him because she knows he is strong and good in a fight. Maybe a bit of both.

IT’S BUFFTASTIC

The happy, fluffy ending Spike gives to the scary story he’s telling Dawn when Buffy suddenly turns up. Most amusing.

DIALOGUE TO DIE FOR

Xander: Hey, evil dead, you're in my seat.
(Spike mutters and leaves)
Anya: Xander, I think you may have hurt his feelings.
Xander: (dismissive) You should never hurt the feelings of a brutal killer. (Reconsiders) You know, that's actually some pretty good advice.

Xander: The point is, I work hard for that money.
Spike: And you're saying I didn't?
Xander: You stole it!
Spike: And you're making it into very hard work!

Dawn: I feel safe with you.
Spike (chokes on his beer): Take that back!

Buffy: These vamps have been here for a while. They've nested.
Spike: So, you're saying they're a couple of poofters?

Harmony: What the heck is this? Who is— Oh wait, I get it. Our little sex game was just the beginning. Now you've gone and picked up some cheap queen of the damned to dress up like your precious Droodzilla. Well, you'd better not be thinking what I think you're thinking, because my answer is the same as always — no threesomes unless it's boy-boy-girl. Or Charlize Theron.

Spike (shouting): Aaaarrrggghh! Gaaagggghhhhhh! What the bleeding hell is wrong with you bloody women? What the hell does it take? Why do you bitches torture me?
Buffy: (dryly) Which question do you want me to answer first?

AND ANOTHER THING

The Crush takes place after the Angel episode Redefinition in which Angel, having gone bad but not soulless, traps Darla and Dru and sets them on fire. Hence the scars on Dru in this ep.

HOW MANY STAKES?

Hardly crushing. 2.5 (out of 5)

Buffy: 3.8 ‘Lover’s Walk’

Cool animation to Spike’s “Love’s Bitch…” speech.

Writer: Dan Vebber
Director: David Semel

What's the sitch?

A drunken, miserable and broken-hearted Spike returns to Sunnydale after being dumped by Drusilla who went and ran off with a mucus-covered chaos demon due to not being able to get over Spike having teamed up with the Slayer to defeat Angel’s world destroying plans last season. This has gone and left our favourite platinum vamp a bitter and broken creature of the night…until he hatches a plan to get Dru back using a love spell. But for that he’ll need a witch. Luckily for Spike Willow fits the bill. So he kidnaps the red headed Wiccan along with Xander, who are both caught in the midst of their own growing mutual attraction, and locks them up telling Willow to do the spell or he’ll kill Xander. Willow agrees but needs supplies. Spike heads out to get those supplies but soon runs in to Buffy and Angel. Telling them he has Willow and Xander hostage somewhere they’ll never find, he forces the pair to help him get the ingredients he needs to cast the love spell as well as to fight off a bunch of local demons just aching for a piece of Spike’s hide.

What's the sitch beneath the sitch?

It’s all about love, baby. Well, more precisely, being Buffy it’s actually about the pain and confusion and misery of love. Home truths are told…mostly by Spike. For some reason he can see through the lie Buffy and Angel are both living regarding their relationship. They aren’t ‘just friends’ and never will be. It takes this evil vampire, a creature of confounding emotional empathy and sensitivity, to tell the truth about love and passion. At the same time Willow and Xander are fighting their growing mutual attraction and physical urges. They feel terrible about what is happening between them as they both care deeply for their respective partners and yet seem helpless to stop it. Thinking they are gonna die trapped in the old factory, they give in and engage in a passionate clinch…only to be caught in the act by Oz and Cordy who’ve come to rescue them. The episode ends unhappily for almost everyone. Buffy knows what Spike said about her and Angel is true, while Cordy is in hospital after getting injured fleeing from the sight of Xander cheating on her. Oz, meanwhile, has gone quiet and withdrawn as would be his way, and Willow and Xander are distraught but have no idea how to fix things. The only person who ends this episode happy is Spike. He had an epiphany, deciding to become the old Spike again, to forget magic and moping and to just go get Dru back the way he knows best…with evil and extreme violence. And he leaves town a cheerful and reinvigorated monster.

Who's giving us the wiggins this week?

Spike

Why it rocks

Spike, Spike, Spike… Need I go on? Okay, I will.

Spike’s drunken arrival in town knocking down the Sunnydale sign as he did in his very first entrance in season 2.

James Marsters. He’s utterly brilliant and owns this episode entirely. From his first scene crashing the car in to the Sunnydale sign ala last season’s ‘School Hard’ (only this time falling out in a drunken stupor), to pouring out his heart to Joyce over hot chocolate, to his vulnerable and passionate speech about the nature of love, the guy is a pure joy to behold.

The aforementioned scene with Joyce. It is typical of Buffy that a scene/story you think will go one way goes and takes a sharp left turn. We assume Spike is gonna attack or hurt Joyce when he goes to Buffy’s house. In fact, he just wants some motherly comfort and a friendly non-judgemental ear. Both actors play it beautifully and its almost a shame when Angel and then Buffy turn up to move the plot along. This scene is the start of what is one of the most sweet, subtle and fun relationships on the show. Spike and Joyce genuinely seem to like each other and form an odd sort of mother/son bond. It wasn’t hugely explored but it is there. And when in season 5 Joyce dies and Spike comes to the house with flowers, it isn’t an act. He genuinely liked the lady. But then as we find out later in the show Spike has some major mother issues to deal with.

The pain of love. Yep, love in Buffy is never pleasant or smooth or fairytale. It’s pain, pain and more pain. And ‘Lover’s Walk’ brings that pain mostly to Willow/Oz and Xander/Cordy but also to Buffy and Angel by exposing the lie they are both living. This of course will lead to Angel leaving for LA at the end of this season with the promise of his own successful series.

Dan Vebber. The guy wrote a great script full of heartache, pathos, pain, hilarity, violence, thematic depth and major character development. There is no big monster to slay this week or a mystical thingamabob to find/destroy, it is simply all about the characters and what they are going through. It’s brilliantly Buffy that in the end Spike can’t be arsed with the love spell and just tells Buffy where he’s stashed her friends before heading off a much happier vampire. Not many shows will go and nullify an entire episode’s plot with one line and then just let the villain walk away having been the overall winner from proceedings.

Spike leaving town in his car while happily singing along to Gary Oldman’s performance of Sid Vicious’s version of ‘My Way’. Priceless.

Why it sucks

Hardly any Giles.

Where’s Faith?

It's Buftastic

Spike’s drunken, violent arrival in town. Classic!

Dialogue to die for

Oz: "I can see why you'd be upset. Uh, that was my sarcastic voice."
Xander: "Y'know, it sounds a lot like your regular voice."
Oz: "I've been told that."

Buffy: "She saw these scores and her head spun around and exploded."
Giles: "I've been on the Hellmouth too long. That was metaphorical, yes?"

Spike: "You're not friends. You'll never be friends. You'll be in love 'til it kills you both. You'll fight, and you'll shag, and you'll hate each other 'til it makes you quiver, but you'll never be friends. Love isn't brains, children, it's blood. Blood screaming inside you to work its will. I may be love's bitch, but at least I'm man enough to admit it."

Spike: “I'm really glad I came here, you know? I've been all wrongheaded about this. Weeping, crawling, blaming everybody else. I want Dru back, I've just gotta be the man I was, the man she loved. I'm gonna do what I shoulda done in the first place: I'll find her, wherever she is, tie her up, torture her until she likes me again.”

And another thing

According to the "Welcome to Sunnydale" sign Spike runs over, the population of Sunnydale is 38,500.

That really was James Marsters’ hand on fire in the scene where Spike wakes up in the sun. They couldn’t figure out how to do it with a stuntman and keep it all in the same shot, so James volunteered. It took two takes and he received some minor burns but says he was happy to have done it.

The version of ‘My Way’ Spike sings along to is sung by Gary Oldman playing Sid Vicious in the movie Sid and Nancy – a tip of the hat to the inspiration behind Spike and Dru.

How many stakes?

Spike’s doing it his way. 4.5/5

Buffy: 2.21 ‘Becoming – Part 1’

A short preview of Becoming – parts 1 & 2

Writen and directed by: Joss Whedon

What's the sitch?

We learn though flashbacks how Angel became a vampire after being sired by the gorgeous Darla (Julie Benz) in a dirty alleyway in 18th century Ireland. Then, years later, we see his soul being restored by the gypsies after he killed their princess, so that he will know suffering and will not be able to have a moment’s true happiness ever again lest he lose his soul once more. Then things skip forward and we see him being picked up from the gutter in 1996 by the good demon Whistler and taken to covertly see Buffy at her original school in LA. Angel is smitten by the girl and vows to help her from that moment on. Flash forward to 1998 and Angelus has stolen a recently excavated stone demon called Acathla from the University. The vampire has realised just who Acathla is, and that once revived the powerful demon will suck the entire world into hell. Something Angelus can’t wait to do. Meanwhile Buffy finds the disk of Jenny's with the spell to restore Angelus' soul and Kendra returns to town after her watcher tells her that a dark power is about to rise in Sunnydale. She has also come bearing a sword from the knight who first defeated Acathla, which should be able to slay the demon once again if needed. Across town in his new mansion, Angelus tries to awaken Acathla, but is unable. So Drusilla takes her gang to go and kidnap Giles in order to make the learned watcher tell them the correct way to awaken the sleeping demon. At the same time, Angelus distracts Buffy, luring her away from her friends in order for Dru to go capture Giles. This leaves Kendra alone to try and defend the Scoobies from Dru. But Kendra fails and she dies at Dru’s hands, having her throat slit by the insane vampire. During the fight Willow is put into a coma, and Xander has his arm broken and knocked out. After realising she’s been duped, Buffy rushed back to the library. But she’s too late. She finds Kendra's body just as the police arrive. They point their guns at the Slayer and go to arrest her for murder.

What's the sitch beneath the sitch?

Joss likes his one-word titles that sum up his episodes perfectly. Becoming parts 1 & 2 are both about exactly that. They are about people growing, changing, adapting, becoming what they want to be, what they need to be in life. There are hard choices and painful decisions throughout. There are past loves and new agonies. There’s terrible loss and utter heartbreak. Life moves on and growing up is painful, never more so than in Sunnydale. And Joss brings the pain here, as always, slowly stripping everything away from Buffy. By the end of part 2 she will have nothing. But she will ultimately become stronger as a result. As the saying goes, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.

Who's giving us the wiggins this week?

Angelus and Dru

Why it rocks

It’s a Joss Whedon written/directed by.

The themes are rich and the drama hugely compelling.

There is a ton happening here with lots of action and major character developments. It’s basically one massive set-up for next episode’s epic pay off.

Xander’s fish-stick re-enactment of Buffy fighting and staking a vamp.

Kendra (Bianca Lawson) is back…with a sword and her awful accent.

Bianca Lawson is Hot!

Kendra gives Buffy her lucky stake to use. She calls it ‘Mr Pointy’. :)

Why it sucks

Yet again Angel’s age is inconsistent. From latter episodes it seems that this one is wrong.

Angel’s Oirish accent. Oh dear.

The scene of Buffy listening to her parents argue in Los Angeles in 1996 conflicts with what was said in "Nightmares," aired in May 1997. In that episode Buffy says that her parents divorce was "finalised last year, but they were separated for a while before that."

Angel seeing Buffy from afar in 1996 does not jibe with his attitude the first time he met her in "Welcome to the Hellmouth."

Acathla makes for two world ending demons this season. Blimey! They're like busses...


It's Buftastic

That shot of Buffy running back in to the school corridor to go to her friends. The camera pans around as it follows her and cranks up in to slow motion partway through as Buffy, panic-faced, runs at us for all she’s worth.

Dialogue to die for

Cordelia (about Principle Snyder after he’s just left): How about because you're a tiny, impotent Nazi with a bug up his butt the size of an emu?

Spike: (looking unimpressed at Acathla's tomb): It's a big rock. Can't wait to tell my friends. They don't have a rock this big.

Buffy (on the phone to Willow): Well, I'll do a couple of sweeps, and then I'll stop by. Yeah, Xander was pretty much being a... Willow! Where did you learn that word? My God. You kiss your mother with that mouth?

Kendra: In case de curse does not succeed, dis is my lucky stake. I have killed many vampires wit it. I call it Mr. Pointy.
Buffy: You named your stake?
Kendra: Yes.
Buffy: Remind me to get you a stuffed animal.

Angelus: Jeez, is it me, or is your heart not in this? Maybe I'll just go home, destroy the world.
Buffy: Well, I think Mr. Pointy'll have something to say about that.

Whistler (end voiceover): Bottom line is, even if you see 'em coming, you're not ready for the big moments. No one asks for their life to change, not really. But it does. So what are we, helpless? Puppets? No. The big moments are gonna come. You can't help that. It's what you do afterwards that counts. That's when you find out who you are. You'll see what I mean.

And another thing

Angel was made into a vampire by Darla in Galway, Ireland, in 1753, and first met Drusilla in London in 1860.

Drusilla was precognitive before she became a vampire.

Becoming won the 1998 Emmy for best music composition for a series

How many stakes?

It’s a killer cliffhanger. 5 (out of 5)

Buffy: 2.16 ‘Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered.’

Buffy wants to make Xander her cuddle monkey.


Writer: Marti Noxon
Director: James A. Contner

What's the sitch?

Valentines Day comes to Sunnydale and Xander is feeling all romantic towards Cordy, buying her a lovely necklace and telling her how he feels about her. Unfortunately, feeling insecure and ostracised by her former friends, Cordy decides to dump Xander right after his gift giving. This royally ticks Xander off. And after noticing that Amy Madison from season one’s ‘Witch’ is now working some magic mojo of her own, Xander blackmails her in to casting a love spell over Cordy so she’ll want him back…only so he can then dump her himself and break her heart. But the spell goes wrong, and while Cordy remains immune, every other woman in Sunnydale (including Buffy, Willow, Buffy’s mom and even Drusilla) is now lusting after the Xan-man, the spell setting them all at each others throats and on an insane lovefest rampage.

What's the sitch beneath the sitch?

Not really anything deep here other than the emotional hell of high school and teen hormones running amok. This ep is simply a silly, frothy, very, very funny romp. Just sit back and giggle.

Who's giving us the wiggins this week?

Every woman in Sunnydale minus Cordy.

Why it rocks

Brilliant stuff! ‘Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered’ is just enormous fun and laugh out loud funny. This is a Xander comedy episode. And they are always something to look forward to. Nicky Brendon is a consummate comic performer. His timing and instincts are virtually flawless and he gets to have a great time here as the terrified object of lust by every crazed female in town.

Major kudos to Marti Noxon who wrote the funny as anything script and to the game cast for going that extra comic mile – especially Sarah who gets to, ahem, ‘vamp’ it up something rotten as slinky, sexy Buffy.

And speaking of sexy Buffy… The seduction scene with her wearing nothing but a very short mackintosh which she wants Xander to “unwrap” is the culmination of many a young late 90’s boy’s dream. She does look mighty cute. But then Amy goes and ruins things by turning Buffy in to a rat. Boo!

Oz and Giles searching for “Buffy-rat”.

Xander’s classic slow motion journey down the school’s main corridor as girls swoon and guys glare while Average White Band’s song ‘Got the Love’ plays in the background.

Oz punching Xander out because Willow spent all night on the phone crying to him about Xander.

Oz finding naked Buffy in the basement.

Why it sucks

Nothing sucks here. It’s just a lot of daft fun.

It's Buftastic

Buffy in THAT coat.

Dialogue to die for

Xander: Well, this is new territory for me. I mean, my valentines are usually met with heartfelt restraining orders.

Oz (after sparking Xander out): I was on the phone all night, listening to Willow cry about you. Now, I don't know exactly what happened, but I was left with a very strong urge to... hit you.

Buffy: I seem to be having a slight case of nudity here.
Oz: But you're not a rat. So call it an upside.

Xander: It's time for me to act like a man... and hide!

Xander: I wish dating was like slaying. You know, simple, direct, stake through the heart, no muss, no fuss.

And another thing

Oz's band, Dingoes Ate My Baby, perform on stage for the first time since their first appearance in ‘Inca Mummy Girl’.

Amy calls upon the goddess Diana as "goddess of love and the hunt," but in fact Diana was the Roman goddess of nature, fertility and childbirth. She is closely associated with the Greek goddess Artemis, who was goddess of the hunt, since both were goddesses of the moon as well. However, neither was the goddess of love (that was Aphrodite in the Greek pantheon, and Venus in the Roman).

How many stakes?

It’s a love thang. 4.5 (out of 5)

Buffy: 2.14 ‘Innocence’

Joss talks about making this episode.

Writer: Joss Whedon
Director: Joss Whedon

What's the sitch?

One moment of pure happiness is all it took to destroy everything.

Angel has lost his soul and as a result has reverted to the evil vampire Angelus. Buffy awakens in Angel’s bed, no longer a virgin, to find her lover disappeared. She leaves for home. And upon arriving back home her mom asks her if she’s okay, saying Buffy looks somehow different. Buffy just shrugs it off and heads out again in search of Angel, to track him down and find out why he left her all alone. Newly evil Angelus, meanwhile, has sought out Spike and Dru who are both over the moon to see their old grandsire and sire (respectively) returned to the evil fold. And with great relish, Angelus reveals to them his plans for Buffy – he intends to make her suffer terribly for having made him feel human, before he eventually kills her.

What's the sitch beneath the sitch?

The theme of this episode is right there in the title. ‘Innocence’ the episode is all about the innocence of childhood and then the loss of that innocence when the line in to adulthood is crossed. But here that line isn’t just crossed, it is stomped all over in size fourteen boots. As such, fear, hurt and desperation hangs over this episode like a heavy shroud and pushes the show in to deeper, darker territory. Up until now the monsters and whatnot have been scary and deadly for sure, but with Angelus, the big bad evil is now personal, intimate and emotionally crippling for our heroine. Angelus doesn’t just want to kill Buffy. He wants to control her, torture her emotionally, belittle her and cause her endless pain. Buffy has lost her virginity; she has lost her innocence. The ramifications of which will push her in to places of torment she had never even dreamt existed. Buffy has already lost a great deal. Before this season is done she will lose virtually everything.

As for the big metaphor... Well, it’s kinda obvious with Angel/Angelus being the boyfriend from hell who after being nice and lovely and getting what he wants, turns in to a vile, abusive, controlling jerk. And it works supremely well.

Who's giving us the wiggins this week?

Angelus

Why it rocks

And this, ladies and gentlemen, is where Buffy the Vampire Slayer went from being a great show to being something truly special.

Leave it to Joss to bring us the uber-pain and to turn the whole world upside down. Basically, Joss Whedon is an evil genius. ‘Innocence’ will make you laugh, gasp, it may even make you cry. The hurt that hangs over this episode is palpable. This is Joss’s personal favourite Buffy episode and it is right up there for me alongside the other classics. Because this is the point where things changed. Where a lot of people looked up and really took notice of this show. If you ever thought that Buffy was just some silly kids show not worthy of serious attention then watch ‘Innocence’ and think again. Yes, there is silliness here, but it is clever silliness and it’s vastly outweighed by the emotional drama, the tender themes, the powerful acting. And above all else it has a cute girl with a rocket launcher. What more could you ever need?

More reasons for greatness? Okay...

Angelus casually blowing out of his own mouth cigarette smoke taken from the throat of a girl he’s just killed. One of the single greatest moments in Buffy history and TV coolness.

The scene where Angelus coldly dismisses their lovemaking and calls Buffy a “pro” is ghastly but great. Watch Sarah and if your heart doesn’t ache for Buffy then you ain’t a very nice person. David Boreanaz plays the scene brilliantly with just the right level of mocking and cruel disdain.

Buffy, a rocket launcher on her shoulder, fires the weapon at the Judge, blowing him apart, destroying him.

Sarah Michelle Gellar is put through the emotional wringer and gives it her all. When she’s in so much pain you can’t help but feel it too.

David Boreanaz doing evil. He’s having way too much fun as the cruel and sadistic Angelus to be healthy. It’s a bit pantomime in places but remains a highly effective turn.

Buffy’s end fight with Angelus. She can’t bring herself to kill him so the fight ends with one almighty slayer boot to Angelus’s man bits.

The scene near the end in Giles’s car when he brings a heartbroken and guilt ridden Buffy back home is a thing of simple tender beauty. Joss's dialogue and the performances from Tony Head and SMG are exquisite.

The very end of the episode. It has Buffy curled up on the couch with her mom watching a sad black and white movie on TV, feeling traumatised and far older than her mere seventeen years.

Why it sucks

Nothing sucks about this.

Okay, so if I’m being really picky then the whole Xander stealing the rocket launcher thing is kinda ludicrous. But then he did have his retained soldier knowledge from Halloween. And disbelief must be suspended. After all, this IS a show with vampires and demons and other ooglie booglies.

And I’m still a tiny bit uncomfortable about the whole idea that teenage girls having sex always leads to really bad things happening. Even Joss has admitted that he’s a bit uncomfortable about that too, but said that it works well within the context of this particular story and also as more of a metaphor about being used and abused by older men.

It's Buftastic

Ooh, so many classic moments to choose from. But it has to be a toss up between Angelus blowing the dead girl’s cigarette smoke out of his mouth and Buffy with the rocket launcher. Okay, I'm gonna go with Buffy and her huge explodey weapon as you just can’t beat a cute girl with a rocket launcher. See Zoe Saldana in ‘The Losers’ if you don’t believe me.


Dialogue to die for

Buffy: "I—I don't understand. Was it me? Was I not good?"
Angel (laughing): "You were great. Really. I thought you were a pro." (OUCH!)

Cordelia: "This is great. There's an unkillable demon in town, Angel's joined his team, the Slayer is a basket case... I'd say we've hit bottom."
Xander: "I have a plan."
Cordelia: "Oh, no, here's a lower place."

Cordelia: "Well, does looking at guns make you wanna have sex?"
Xander: "I'm seventeen. Looking at linoleum makes me wanna have sex."

Xander: Whoa. Whoa! I... I think I'm having a thought. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's a thought. Now I'm having a plan...Now I'm having a wiggins.

Joyce: "So what'd you do for your birthday? Did you have fun?"
Buffy: "I got older."

And another thing

The first time ‘Innocence’ aired it scored a 5.2 Nilesen rating, the highest ever viewing figure for Buffy in the US.

At the end, the movie Buffy and her mom are watching is Stowaway, a 1936 musical starring Shirley Temple, Alice Faye and Robert Young. The song "Goodnight, My Love" is being sung by Faye and Young.

Xander is older than Buffy.

In the flashback scenes of Buffy and Angel making love, the heavy breathing wasn't David and Sarah, but series creator Joss Whedon and supervising sound editor Cindy Rabideau. (Joss was far too embarrassed to ask his stars to record it.)

This is Joss Whedon’s favourite episode of Buffy. He says in the commentary that when he sees her with that rocket launcher he’s never loved her more.

How many stakes?

It’s an evil masterwork from Angelus and Joss. 5+ (out of 5)

Buffy: 2.13 ‘Surprise’

This SO is not gonna end well.

Writer: Marti Noxon
Director: Michael Lange

What's the sitch?

It’s Buffy’s birthday. And that never ends well. For a start she’s having disturbing prophetic dreams of Angel’s death. And while her friends are planning a surprise party at The Bronze for the Slayer, reinvigorated vampire Drusilla is planning a party of her own at the old factory to celebrate her return to full strength as wheelchair-bound Spike looks on. Dru’s ultimate party piece will be the reassembling of a powerful ancient demon called The Judge. Un-killable by any weapon forged by man, The Judge was cut in to pieces aeons ago and sent to the four corners of the earth. Now being brought piece by piece to Sunnydale, the last of the Judge parts, however, gets intercepted by Buffy. Recognising the Judge’s body part for what it is, Angel (as suggested by devious Jenny) decides to take said part as far away from Sunnydale as possible, far across the world in fact. Tonight. This news shatters Buffy’s world as she and Angel are now extremely close and she can’t bear to lose him. But when they go to the docks where Angel plans to catch a freighter, Drusilla’s men ambush them and steal back the Judge’s body part. Regrouping, Buffy and Angel head to the factory for some recon to see how far Drusilla has got in reassembling The Judge. And they are shocked to see the demon is up and around and slowly regaining his devastating killing strength. A fight breaks out and the heroic pair only just manages to escape with their lives. Caught in the rain they head on back to Angel’s place to dry off and nurse their wounds. One thing leads to another and eventually they end up making love. And so, on the eve of her seventeenth birthday, Buffy loses her virginity to the man she loves. But Angel is about to lose something far greater…

What's the sitch beneath the sitch?

This is part one of a two-part story all about relationships, intimacy, betrayal and the hard lessons of growing up. It’s about the redefining of relationships with some people growing closer and others growing apart. Buffy and Angel are getting ever closer with the big ‘S’ starting to assert itself as the next logical step in their relationship. But there is fear and trepidation over taking that next step. Meanwhile Xander and Cordy are getting more and more passionate but are unable to move their relationship on to a proper footing, while Jenny and Giles are getting closer, though it turns out Jenny is keeping a very big secret from Rupert and the gang. And last but certainly not least Willow and Oz finally get together for a proper date…kinda. All too soon, though, events will throw some of these relationships in to utter turmoil.

Who's giving us the wiggins this week?

Newly revitalised Drusilla and the big blue meanie called The Judge.

Why it rocks

This is part one of one hell of a two-part story with writer Marti Noxon nicely setting up the chess pieces ready for Joss to come along in part 2 and gleefully, tragically knock the whole darn board over.

We bid a welcome return to Buffy’s often disturbing prophetic dreams.

Oz is such a great character. God bless Seth Green.

Juliet Landau as newly revitalised Drusilla is deliciously freaky, especially when she loses it over her roses.

The scene with Willow and Oz on the school bench where he asks her out is a highlight. It’s cleverly written and both actors are delightful.

Love the vampire party at the factory. Nicely goth with a great tune playing in the background – ‘Transylvanian Concubine’ by Rasputina.

The Jenny revelation is unexpected and adds a whole new aspect. Plus the late Vincent Schiavelli as her uncle makes a great addition to the cast.

The Judge looks pretty cool and the effect when he burns people up is shiny.

Sarah Michelle Gellar and David Boreanaz’s chemistry boils over. You can tell all the way through this episode that their relationship is building up to an inexorable…um…climax.

That cliffhanger. Oh crap!

Why it sucks

The Judge is pretty cool but is one of two potentially world ending uber-demons the vamps try to resurrect in this season. Plus he looks a bit too blue – a kind of Smurf on steroids.

It’s an excellent episode but it is essentially just set-up material for the big payoff of part 2.

It's Buftastic

Oz asking Willow out.

Dialogue to die for

Angel: Leave her alone.
Spike: Yeah, that'll work. Now say 'pretty please'.
Angel: Take me instead of her!
Spike: Uh, you're not clear on the concept, mate. There is no 'instead'. Just first and second.


Buffy (to Willow about Oz): You think he's too old 'cause he's a senior? Please. My boyfriend had a bicentennial.

Xander: Buffy, I feel a pre-birthday spanking coming on.

Willow: Carpe diem. You told me that once.
Buffy: Fish of the day?

And another thing

Brian Thompson, who played Luke in ‘Welcome to the Hellmouth’ and the X-Files’ alien bounty hunter amongst other hulking types plays the Judge.

This episode takes place on Buffy's seventeenth birthday, implying that Buffy was born in January 1981. This goes on to become canon with the original air date for this double bill of January 19th becoming our girl’s official birthday. She turns 30 this year (2011).

How many stakes?

A very pleasant surprise indeed. 4 (out of 5)

Buffy: 2.9 ‘What’s My Line: Part 1’

Now that’s what I call girl power!

Writer: Marti Noxon, Howard Gordon
Director: David Solomon

What's the sitch?

Its careers fair time at Sunnydale High and all of the students have to fill in multiple choice questionnaires to identify their future career paths. This aggravates all of the scoobies but raises particular anxieties in Buffy about her own future. What kind of life and career can she have? She has her slayer duty and that seems to be all that lies ahead for the Bufster. Meanwhile, Spike is trying to decipher a text to find a cure for Drusilla, to restore her back to full strength. This requires a little tomb raiding, bringing his gang in to direct confrontation with Buffy and nearly ruining his plans. Annoyed, Spike decides to bring in the big guns: The Order of Taraka: the baddest of the bad assassins who will stop at nothing until their mark is dead. In this case a mark called Buffy Summers. But as the assassins start turning up in Sunnydale to each take their shot at the slayer, another new arrival has also come to town – a tough as nails girl from overseas who claims to be a vampire slayer.

What's the sitch beneath the sitch?

No real metaphors in this one but the underlying theme is all about the future – life, career, family. Buffy starts thinking about all of that; something most teens don’t bother with. She lies when Angel asks her if she ever thinks about the future. She says no. But she clearly has been. But as with most teens, the future seems so distant that she decides to ignore it as best she can…except that the inanity of the school’s careers fair is not gonna let her off so easily. Part 2 will continue this theme when new slayer Kendra arrives proper, giving Buffy the idea that she could possibly retire as the slayer and go off and have a real life and future of her own. It’s an idea that will resurface in season 3 when Faith comes to town.

Who's giving us the wiggins this week?

Spike and Dru and the various members of The Order of Taraka including the creepy bug man, the hulking dude and the lady cop.

Why it rocks

This is Buffy’s first big two-parter since the pilot episodes so the story is bigger and broader with more locations including planes and airports. The stakes are also higher (pardon the pun) and there are some new huge developments in the season arc and in Buffy lore.

Buffy’s future and her struggle for a normal life is at the heart of this story. And that’s always good seeing as how that continual struggle is at the very core of the entire show. Interesting questions are also raised about what will happen to her down the line and what kind of a life she can possibly have. When you actually stop and think about it the whole thing is kinda depressing. You really wouldn’t wanna be this girl. She seems to be stuck, along with the vampires she slays, in a never ending, never changing soulless existence with nothing to look forward to in life.

Xander and Cordy, trapped by the creepy bug man, give in to their passions.

Spike and Dru. ‘Nuff said.

Sarah looks good on ice skates, which involves a ‘cool’ use of said skates in offing a bad guy. Pun absolutely intended.

Mr Gordo, Buffy’s stuffed toy pig, being absently cuddled by Angel is chuckle inducing.

Bianca Lawson as Kendra the Vampire Slayer is ridiculously hot. Shame about that awful mock-Jamaican accent though.

Why it sucks

Bianca Lawson’s above mentioned accent makes my ears hurt.

It's Buftastic

The cliffhanger. Up until the very end we have assumed that the insanely cute girl with the awful mock-Jamaican accent who beat up Angel is one of the Order of Taraka. But as she faces off with Buffy, she announces: “Me names Kendra, the Vampire Slayer!” Cue Buffy’s shocked face, the audience going “Huh?” And the screen saying ‘To be continued.’

Dialogue to die for

Buffy (after Giles explains what a reliquary is): Note to self: religion: freaky.

Buffy (seeing Angel in her room holding her stuffed pig): Just dropping by for some quality time with Mr. Gordo?

Dalton: Yes, but... The Order of Taraka. I mean, isn't that overkill?
Spike: No, I think it's just enough kill.

Giles: You're behaving remarkably immaturely.
Buffy: You know why? I am immature. I'm a teen. I have yet to mature.

Cordelia: Oh, great, so now I'm your taxi and your punching bag.
Xander: I like to think of you more as my witless foil, but have it your way.

And another thing

This is the first Buffy script from Marti Noxon. She would go on to become one of the show’s head writers, then the exec producer alongside Joss, and would finally take over day to day running of the show in its last couple of seasons while Joss was off doing Firefly.

In this episode the gang are referred to as the Scoobies for the first time. Up until now they’ve called themselves the Slayerettes.

How many stakes?

The aptitude test score is 4 (out of 5)

Buffy: 2.7 ‘Lie to Me'

Writer: Joss Whedon
Director: Joss Whedon

What's the sitch?

Ford, an old friend of Buffy’s from her school in LA turns up at Sunnydale High to finish up his senior year. Buffy is elated to see her old friend who was also a crush of hers when she was younger. Much to Angel and Xander’s displeasure, Buffy and Ford seem to pick u where they left off. But Ford is keeping a dark secret from Buffy. He’s secretly hanging out with a cult who worship vampires and want to become the undead. Ford has his own tragic reasons for this and is willing to do anything to achieve his goal…even if it means handing over his old friend Buffy to the baddest vampire in town: Spike.

What's the sitch beneath the sitch?

As you can probably tell by the episodes title, this one is all about lies and secrets and trust…or lack their of. The lies and deceptions have been piling up throughout this season so far and then come on big time here. Almost everyone is lying to Buffy. Angel lies to her about seeing Drusilla (which Buffy saw him do), Angel, Willow and Xander snoop in to Ford’s past without telling her, and of course Ford himself is lying to her about what he’s really doing in Sunnydale and what his intentions are. He also lies to the other vampire wannabes telling them they will be changed when in fact they are just the buffet and he is the only one due to become undead. I guess it’s kind of a cautionary tale from Joss about how lies beget lies and lead to nothing good. Although, at the end, after Buffy is forced to slay a risen Ford, she asks Giles if life will always be this hard and confusing once she’s grown up. Giles asks her if she wants the truth. And Buffy says: “Lie to me.” So Giles tells her that everything becomes much easier and clearer and no one ever dies and everyone rides off in to the sunset and lives happily ever after. Buffy just replies sadly, “Liar.”

Who's giving us the wiggins this week?

Ford and Spike

Why it rocks

It’s a Joss written/directed episode. What more do you need?

Okay, you need more? The underground vampire club and its geeky denizens are most amusing – especially Diego and his silly cape.

Joss’s script is smart, witty and multi-layered. On the surface it’s a story about someone willing to do anything to avoid their own death including murder and betrayal. Beneath that it is all about relationships, trust and honesty.

The showdown at the end in the locked in vampire club is nicely tense and you feel Buffy’s desperation in trying to convince these misguided kids that they are about to die horribly.

As always Sarah turns in a wonderful performance as Buffy. The immaturity and vulnerability of the character is on display early on with her suspicion and petty jealousy and her willingness to play silly games with Angel to try and make him jealous. But her grit and determination to save the kids shines through by episodes end as well as her unswerving knowledge of what’s right including finally having to slay Ford despite her feelings for him. This is something that will come in to play again big time before this season is done.

Spike and Dru are back at the forefront again. And Spike is wonderfully witty and cutting. He pretty much steals the show.

Julia Lee who plays vampire wannabe Chantarelle is lovely.

Why it sucks

Jason Behr who plays Ford is an actor I’ve never liked. To me he has always been totally wooden and one note. As a result he makes no impact here whatsoever.

It's Buftastic

Angel at the underground vampire club bemoaning the vamp wannabes and how they look and dress…only to find himself standing right next to a guy who’s dressed exactly the same as him. A brief but wonderful comic beat.


Dialogue to die for

Xander: "'This is Ford, my bestest friend of all my friends!' Jeez, doesn't she know any fat guys?"

Xander: "Angel was in your bedroom?
Willow: "Ours is a forbidden love."

Buffy: "What I see is that, right after the sun goes down, Spike and all of his friends are going to be pigging out at the all-you-can-eat moron bar."

And another thing

Jason Behr went on to star in the Buffy-like sci fi show Roswell. In 2004 he reunited with Sarah Michelle Gellar, playing her boyfriend in The Grudge

The lovely Julia Lee who plays Chantarelle reprises the role in season 3 opener ‘Anne’. She then comes back for several episodes of Angel.

How many stakes?

I won’t lie. It’s great. 4 (out of 5)

Buffy: 2.6 'Halloween'

The Dutchess of Buffonia and Willow the (soon to be) Sexy Ghost


Writer: Carl Ellsworth
Director: Bruce Seth Green

What's the sitch?

It’s Halloween in Sunnydale. Surely a time to fear with all the monsters and whatnot? Apparently not. The real boogeymen think Halloween is tacky and always take the night off. This allows Buffy and her pals to dress up and go out trick or treating after they’ve been ‘volunteered’ by Principle Snyder to shepherd around groups of little kids as is the High School’s tradition. However a new bad guy has come to town and has cursed all the costumes from his shop so that the wearers will actually become what ever it is they are wearing. Buffy, thinking that Angel prefers old style 18th century noblewomen to 20th century teenage girls, dresses up as one. And as the curse takes hold she actually becomes one – complete with simpering attitude and fainting fits. Meanwhile Xander becomes a soldier and Willow, despite being helped to ‘hot up’ by Buffy, goes and dresses as a ghost - and so becomes a ghost. At the same time vampire Drusilla has a vision telling how the Slayer will become vulnerable on Halloween. This leads our old friend Spike to break the monsters-staying-in-on-Halloween rule as he takes his vamp buds out on the town hunting for some fresh Slayer blood.

What's the sitch beneath the sitch?

The theme here is all about identity and the roles we play in life. It’s about what we show to the world and what the world sees in us. Primarily it’s about our insecurities over who and what we are. The two main examples being Buffy and Willow. Feeling insecure over her relationship with Angel, Buffy is convinced after reading the Watcher Diaries that Angel prefers the whole 18th century noblewoman type. So when she sees a dress like that at the costume store she has to have it and thus adopts that identity for Halloween night. Literally as it turns out. She becomes a simpering, fainting, frightened girl. Whereas Willow, even though Buffy glams her up with a sexy outfit, is deeply insecure about being seen like that and insists on wearing her ghost costume over the top. But when the bad spell takes hold, ghost costumed Willow collapses revealing actual ghost Willow in her sexy outfit. And she literally steps out of herself and takes charge of the entire situation. She is also seen later by Oz as he drives past, saying yet again, “Who IS that girl?” Eventually, after the threat has passed, Buffy discovers Angel hated the women of the past and vastly prefers modern women – especially Buffy just as she is. Her insecurity was of her own making as was Willow’s who has now gained more confidence and will very soon be getting together with Oz

Who's giving us the wiggins this week?

Giles’s old mucker Ethan Rayne, countless little kids turned in to demons and Spike and his vamp mates.

Why it rocks

Now this is more like it.

Quite simply this episode is enormous fun. The story is neat and simple, the concept smart and clever, the themes strong and the writing helps to further the evolution of the characters.

Ethan Rayne. This is the first time we meet Giles’s old friend and now chaos worshipping sorcerer. Robin Sachs is fab in the role being suitably charismatic, smarmy and sly.

Ripper. This is the first time we hear of Giles's younger, darker alter ego. We will soon find out he got up to some pretty bad stuff in his youth and garnered quite the reputation hinted at here when Giles lashes out at Ethan and physically beats him in to submission. It’s quite a shock to see bookish, tweed-clad Giles suddenly turn in to a brutal, remorseless ass-kicker. And Tony Head is splendid at doing so and is clearly having a fine old time.

The entire cast is on fine form but Ally Hannigan as Willow steals the show. Her insular insecure Willow is so darn cute with her ghostly sexy Willow being even cuter.

Sarah's perfectly timed comedy faint as noblewoman Buffy. I laughed loudly. A perfect pratfall.

The cool opening Buffy vs. vampire smackdown in a pumpkin patch while another vamp secretly films the fight with a video camera.

Spike and Dru. Woo hoo!

Why it sucks

Ethan’s motivations are never explained. What exactly is he getting out of going to all the trouble of setting up a shop and buying stock and casting spells? And why would he come to Sunnydale where he must know Giles is and then call his shop Ethan’s? That’s just asking for trouble from old Ripper.

Angel’s age gets mixed up here with Willow saying he’s older than has already been established.

A vampire sneaks in to Buffy’s house. How? Not invited.


It's Buftastic

Giles’s startled reaction when sexy ghost Willow suddenly walks out of the wall in front of him. Very funny indeed.

Dialogue to die for

Willow: Oh, I don't get wild. Wild on me equals spaz.

Xander (seeing Buffy in her noblewoman costume): Private Harris reporting for... Buffy! Lady of Buffdom, Duchess of Buffonia, I am in awe! I completely renounce spandex!

Willow (exasperated over simpering Buffy): She couldn't have dressed up like Xena?

Giles (confused by sexy ghost-Willow after she appears to him): And your costume?
Willow: I’m a ghost.
Giles: Yes. Um, the ghost of what exactly?

And another thing

A much younger Robin Sachs starred as Heinrich the vampire acrobat in the 1971 Hammer horror film Vampire Circus.

Cordelia still doesn’t know that Angel is a vampire.

How many stakes?

No trick, just one big ol’ treat. 4 (out of 5)

Buffy: Season 2, Episode 3 ‘School Hard’

The baddest bad couple around.

Writer: David Greenwalt
Director: John Kretchmer

What's the sitch?

It’s parent teacher evening at Sunnydale High which Buffy and fellow ‘troublesome’ student Sheila have been put in charge of organising by odious Principle Snyder. Snyder is looking forward to meeting Buffy’s mum so he can tell her all about how much trouble her daughter is to the school and how close she is to expulsion. So as well as arranging everything for the event and doing so with a largely absent Sheila, Buffy must also somehow keep her mum away from Snyder on the night itself. But that’s not all of her problems. For unknown to Buffy a certain badass platinum haired vamp has (literally) hit town for the first time and, along with his insane girlfriend, is looking to bag himself a third slayer scalp. Cue a vampire invasion of the school on parent teacher night and Buffy fighting back guerrilla style ala John McClane – hence the episode title.

What's the sitch beneath the sitch?
More high school is hell stuff along with the usual thing of Buffy trying to balance her school life, home life and slaying life which is made all that more harder by the odious Snyder.

Who's giving us the wiggins this week?

Who do you think?

Why it rocks

1. Vampire lovers. SPIKE AND DRU! SPIKE AND DRU! SPIKE AND DRU! The pair make their Buffy debut in this episode. The rest is history.

2. James and Juliet. James Marsters and Juliet Landau as the Sid Vicious and Nancy Spungen inspired vampire lovers make an instantly unforgettable impression and become a firm fan favourite. Marsters is all cocky English swagger and punk rock anarchy attitude while Landau is eerily demented and deceptively fragile. And their chemistry together is explosive.

3. This ep is a blatant but brilliant Die Hard homage with Buffy crawling through ventilation ducts and taking out individual vamps along the way then rescuing the trapped parents before having a final face off with Spike. A face off which ends in a way that could only happen in an episode of Buffy.

4. John Kretchmer who directed part 2 of the Buffy pilot does great work here. It’s tense, exciting, a smidgen scary and always tons of fun.

Why it sucks

It doesn’t. At all.

It's Buftastic

Two moments:

1. Spike’s iconic arrival in town by running over the Sunnydale sign

2. Buffy and Spike’s final battle with Joyce coming to her daughter’s rescue at the last moment.

Dialogue to die for

Spike: [to a rival vampire] "You were there? Oh, please! If every vampire who said he was at the crucifixion was actually there, it would have been like Woodstock. I was actually at Woodstock. That was a weird gig. I fed off a flower person, and I spent the next six hours watching my hand move."

Buffy: “Cordelia, I have at least three lives to contend with, none of which really mesh. It's kind of like oil and water and a... third unmeshable thing.”

Drusilla: [about her favourite doll Miss Edith] “Miss Edith speaks out of turn. She's a bad example and will have no cakes today.”

Joyce: [after braining Spike with an axe] "You get the hell away from my daughter!"

And another thing

Spike says that Angel was his sire but we later find out Spike was actually sired by Drusilla. Dru was the one sired by Angel/Angelus, thus making Angel Spike’s grandsire.

Spike and Dru were based upon Sid Vicious and Nancy Spungen as confirmed by Joss.

Spike wasn’t for certain going to be English. Marsters did several accents before Joss and co settled on his English one.

In this episode we discover that the authorities are wise to the weird supernatural stuff that goes on in Sunnydale but are keeping it quiet. Mention is also made of The Mayor foreshadowing season 3.

Spike destroys the Sunnydale sign a second time in his one and only season 3 appearance ‘Lovers Walk’. Though that time it is an accident as he’s totally drunk.

Juliet Landau (Dru) is the daughter of Oscar winning actor Martin Landau and his ex-wife Barbara Bain and appeared with her dad in Tim Burton’s 1994 classic Ed Wood for which Martin Landau won his Oscar for playing Bela Lugosi.

How many stakes?

This time it’s 5 spikes (out of 5)