BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER 6.9 SMASHED

Dailies

WRITER: Drew Z. Greenberg

DIRECTOR: Turi Meyer

WHAT’S THE SITCH?

After her break up with Tara, a morose Willow successfully de-rats Amy and the two powerful witches begin hanging out together and having fun with their magic, which pulls Willow ever deeper into her growing addiction and eventually puts Dawn in danger too. Meanwhile, Spike discover that the chip in his head, which is supposed to prevent him from hurting humans, doesn't kick in after he gets in to some angry fisticuffs with Buffy. After a quick trip to the nerd trio for a consult, the platinum vamp comes to the conclusion that his chip is working fine and that it is actually post-resurrection Buffy who is now somehow 'wrong'.

WHAT’S THE SITCH BENEATH THE SITCH?

Making bad choices. Giving in to temptation. Going to dark destructive places.

In Smashed, Willow succumbs fully to her magic addiction and with the now de-ratted Amy she finds the perfect enabler as well as partner in crime. Amy is the anti-Tara. She has no sense of responsibility, no self control. Magic to her is all about her own pleasure and fun. She doesn't see the self destructive side of it, or if she does she chooses to ignore it. And Willow follows her down that path with only the smallest of nudges needed. Meanwhile Buffy is also being tempted and pulled down a dark self destructive path of her own by non other than Spike. She knows he is not good for her and that being 'with' him will only lead to bad things. And yet...

WHO’S GIVING US THE WIGGINS THIS WEEK?

Hmm, there is no real villain here. No big monster. The enemy is within both Buffy and Willow: their own weakness in the face of temptation. Spike gets an honourable mention though for threatening the Fett.

WHY IT ROCKS

Character, character, character! This is an internal episode. This time the monsters are within. Smashed is all about what Willow and Buffy are feeling, how they are dealing (or not dealing) with the current state of their lives. We watch them think, feel, make choices, and ultimately take dangerous paths.

Amy the ex-Rat. Yup, Amy the witch who turned herself in to a rat to escape a roasting in the season 3 episode Gingerbread is finally de-ratted by Willow. Elizabeth Anne Allen returns as Amy and she is great.

Freeze Ray. The Trio's diamond powered freeze ray is a mucho fun precursor to Doctor Horrible's same invention.

Tara. Amber Benson is always wonderful as Tara and never more so than here as she spends time with Dawn and promises her that although she and Willow are not together anymore she will still always be there for the teenager.

Buffy at the museum jumping up and down to try and see over the gathered crowd's heads as the frozen guard is wheeled away. Buff looks so tiny and cute here as she tries to see what's going on. She may be super powered but she's still ickle.

Magic pool. Amy and Willow play a game of pool at the Bronze sans cues. Very cool.

Spike and Buffy bring the house down. Yep, THAT scene is in this ep. Finally, vampire and slayer get it on. And the results are destructive and unforgettable.

WHY IT SUCKS

Willow and Amy's hijinks at the Bronze are kinda lame.

Somehow I don't think the British Museum would lend Sunnydale Museum a huge priceless diamond, especially seeing how there is no security except for one aged security guard called Rusty.

IT’S BUFFTASTIC

And the house comes down as Buff and Spike get freaky

DIALOGUE TO DIE FOR

Willow: I know. Xander engaged. I couldn't believe it either.
Amy: It's so weird. So, what's she like?
Willow: Thousand year old, capitalist ex-demon with rabbit phobia.
Amy: Well, that's so his type.

Buffy: Hey, how've you been?
Amy: Rat. You?
Buffy: Dead.
Amy: Oh.

Spike: I'm in love with you.
Buffy: You're in love with pain!

Warren: Right. But you don't want to hurt the Fett... because, man, you're not comin' back from that! You know, you don't just do that and walk away.

AND ANOTHER THING

The Spike and Buffy getting it on scene was originally a lot longer and more graphic but the network, UPN, told Joss and co. it needed to be cut back. Also CGI smoke was added to help obscure certain shots.

Due to the rather intense nature of the Buffy/Spike sex scene this episode became the focus of a FCC investigation for indecency after a complaint from a watchdog group. Fortunately, the FCC deemed the episode as not being indecent at all.

When Willow and Amy visit the Bronze, the band Virgil are performing the track Vermillion Borders. Later, when Willow grows bored of the music, she transforms them into another group, Halo Friendlies.

HOW MANY STAKES?

A smashing 3.5 out of 5

BUFFY 5.18 'INTERVENTION'

Tribute to the Buffybot

WRITER: Jane Espenson

DIRECTOR: Michael Gershman

WHAT’S THE SITCH?

Giles takes Buffy out to the desert for a spiritual retreat to find focus and answers about the true nature of being the Slayer. Back in Sunnydale, the robot Buffy that Spike ordered from nasty Warren back in ‘I was made to love you’ has been completed with a very happy Spike using his new Buffybot for lots of role-play sexcapades. Unfortunately Buffy’s friends spot Spike and the Buffybot cavorting in the cemetery and, thinking that it is the real Buffy, they become worried and decide on an intervention to help her. Meanwhile, Glory discovers that the Key is human and dispatches her minions to find the person most important to Buffy and then bring them to her, believing that person will almost certainly be the Key. Charged with their new mission, Glory’s minions soon spot the Buffybot with Spike, the bot being extra protective of Spike in the midst of an unexpected vampire scrap. Thinking it is the real Buffy and convinced that Spike must be the Key, the minions kidnap him and take him to Glory, who pretty quickly discovers that Spike is not in fact the Key but decides to torture him until he tells her who is. Soon after, Buffy returns home from her spiritual retreat, smack bang in to her friend’s mistaken intervention. Bewildered, poor Buff thinks her friends have lost it when they accuse her of sleeping with Spike. And that’s when the Buffybot turns up and informs the shocked group that Spike has been kidnapped by Glory and must be rescued pronto. Disgusted by the bot and afraid that Spike will tell Glory about Dawn, Buffy heads out to find the platinum vamp and to put him down once and for all, hopefully before he can spill the beans to Glory about her little sis being the Key.

WHAT’S THE SITCH BENEATH THE SITCH?

It’s the continuing misadventures of Spike and his creepy and unrequited love for the Buffster. There are other themes at play here too, deeper and more serious ones about questioning what it means to be human (or a Slayer) and what effect does being outwardly hard and doing a hard and often deeply unpleasant job have on someone? These are the questions Buffy is asking herself and is worried she is losing her humanity. Maybe these are questions people in the real world ask themselves, for example people in the military who have to do awful things in order to do their duty and the toll it then takes on their soul.

WHO’S GIVING US THE WIGGINS THIS WEEK?

Glory

WHY IT ROCKS

Funny Buffy: Despite the Buffy soul searching and the torture of Spike (and Spike’s creepy sex doll sexcapades) Intervention is a highly fun episode. For starters it is a Jane Espenson script. And nobody brings the Buffy funny quite like Jane. The intervention itself is hilarious, especially with Xander trying to be understanding of Buffy’s supposed attraction to Spike and only making it sound as if he secretly fancies the platinum vamp himself. After the dark and emotionally intense last few episodes (especially The Body) it comes as something of a cleansing breath of air, allowing us to smile and laugh again. And a big part of that is down to…

The Buffybot: A crazily inspired creation of Joss, Jane and co, the Buffybot allows SMG to attack her role from an entirely new angle, allowing for pure and innocent comedy gold. You can tell Sarah is having way too much fun as the perpetually chirpy, childlike, Spike obsessed robobabe. She gets to blurt out truthful lines ala Anya but always with a bright and pretty smile and with a charming innocence and an eagerness to please. Thankfully Buffybot will stick around in to next season. And when she finally goes to the great robo scrap heap in the sky it says a lot that it gives the audience a genuine emotional punch, seeing as how we’ve all come to love her so much.

Spike the hero: Our favourite bad boy vamp gets put through the wringer here, beaten and tortured by Glory while trying to get out of him the truth about the Key. But Spike, a soulless monster, won’t give in. He would never betray Dawn. And at the end of the episode, in a nice bit of subterfuge, he gets a sweet and unexpected reward for his loyalty.

Giles doing the Hokey Pokey (or Okey Cokey to us Britishers)

WHY IT SUCKS

I’m with Buffy here. She is shocked and kinda appalled that her friends didn’t spot pretty quick that something was up with ‘her’. They spotted back in ‘I was made to love you’ that April was a robot pretty sharpish but couldn’t make the connection when their best friend started acting just like April? Great!

IT’S BUFFTASTIC

Every scene with the Buffybot

DIALOGUE TO DIE FOR

Buffybot: (to Willow and co. referring to sex with Spike): "It wasn't one time. It was lots of times, and lots of different ways. I can make sketches!"

Buffybot: "Angel's lame. His hair goes straight up, and he's bloody stupid!"

Buffybot (in the midst of conversation with Willow ): "You're recently gay!"

Glory (about Spike): "What the hell is that, and why is its hair that colour?"

Buffybot (seeing Buffy): "Say! look at you! You look just like me! We're very pretty."

Buffy: “I mean I can beat up the demons until the cows come home. And then, I can beat up the cows. But I'm not sure I like what it's doing to me.”

Buffybot (going out to patrol): “Time to slay. Vampires of the world beware!”

Tara (about Buffy): “You aren't really gonna slap her, are you?”
Xander: “No, but if I have to see her straddle Spike again I will definitely knock myself unconscious.”

Spirit Guide (to Buffy): “Death is your gift.”

Xander: “No one is judging you. It's understandable. Spike is strong and mysterious and sort of compact, but well muscled.”
Buffy: “I am not having sex with Spike! But I'm starting to think that you might be!”

Spike (to Glory): “Mark my words, the Slayer is going to kick your skanky, lopsided ass — (Concerned, Glory looks at her ass.) — back to whatever place would take a cheap, whorish, fashion-victim ex-God like you.”

AND ANOTHER THING

Nicholas Brendon was ill during the making of this episode so his twin brother Kelly stands in for him in several scenes.

Buffy’s trip to the desert might seem rather confusing and left field but the lessons she learns are key to this season and to what happens in the finale.

HOW MANY STAKES?

Buffybot alone guarantees it… 4 (out of 5)

BUFFY 5.17 'FOREVER'

Nice little trailer for the ep.

WRITER: Marti Noxon

DIRECTOR: Marti Noxon

WHAT’S THE SITCH?

Following Joyce’s funeral Dawn goes back to Willow and Tara ’s to stay overnight. While there, she tells the two witches that she wants to use magic to bring Joyce back. Tara says it shouldn’t be done as it is very dangerous and that the dead don’t come back as they were. However Willow is a little less definite on the matter. The following morning Tara and Willow leave for class and Dawn finds a book on magic that point her in the right direction to a resurrection spell. Later that same day she goes and finds some better info on resurrection spells hidden away in the Magic Box’s restricted area. And that night she heads to the graveyard to collect dirt from Joyce’s grave, which is where Spike finds her, and, knowing what she is up to, offers to help her do the spell to bring Joyce back. Spike takes Dawn to see an old man called Doc, who turns out to be a demon. Doc tells them what they need to do to complete the spell including getting hold of an egg from a Ghora demon, which won’t be easy. But the pair does manage to get the egg and Dawn goes home to conduct the resurrection ritual that Doc described. Buffy arrives home just as Dawn is about to complete the spell. Horrified at what her little sister is doing, Buffy pleads with her to stop before it is too late.

WHAT’S THE SITCH BENEATH THE SITCH?

This is all about dealing with loss and grief. How different people deal in different ways. And if one could, who wouldn’t want to bring back a recently deceased loved one? Especially in the case of suddenly alone children who’ve lost the comfort and security of their only remaining parent, the one person who has always taken care of them, taken care of everything. Dawn feels utterly alone. She doesn’t understand why Buffy has been busy and businesslike about the whole horrible affair and she accuses her sister of not even caring that their mother has died.

WHO’S GIVING US THE WIGGINS THIS WEEK?

Creepy old guy Doc I guess, but it is the idea itself, what Dawn is planning that is truly scary.

WHY IT ROCKS

Thematically it’s a good idea, delving in to how individuals deal with the immediate loss of a loved one, especially a child losing a parent.

Angel returns for a poignant (if brief) cameo.

Joel Gray is nicely creepy as Doc. A splendid guest star to nab.

Spike bringing flowers for Joyce. No soul, huh? Could have fooled me.

While Michelle Trachtenberg is fine it is SMG who takes the acting honours. Her sweetly affecting scene with Angel is lovely and her end confrontation with Dawn is powerful and emotional. The look on her face when she thinks her mom has come home is a thing of heartbreak.

Willow’s laxer attitude to Dawn’s request to resurrect Joyce foreshadows what she will do for Buffy in early season six.

WHY IT SUCKS

Though a nice idea the episode is kinda ‘meh’ overall. The scene with Angel is sweet and the big emotionally honest confrontation between sisters at the end is powerful and affecting. But everything in between has the feeling of functional filler. And the less said about the awful rubber Ghora demon the better. Yikes!

IT’S BUFFTASTIC

The final scene between heartbroken sisters.

DIALOGUE TO DIE FOR

Spike: "I liked the lady! Understand, monkey boy? She was decent. She didn't put on airs. She always had a nice cuppa for me. (pause) And she never treated me like a freak."

Willow : “I'm gonna stop by my mom's first. Been doing that a lot lately.”
Xander: “Yeah. I actually might stop by your mom's too. (She looks at him.) Well, I'm not going to my place. Those people are scary!”

Dawn: “Nobody's asking you to be Mom.”
Buffy: “Well, who's gonna be if I'm not? Huh, Dawn? Have you even thought about that? Who's gonna make things better? (crying) Who's gonna take care of us?”

AND ANOTHER THING

This episode appears to be inspired by The Monkey's Paw, W.W. Jacobs' classic short horror story about how there's always a price to pay if you interfere with the natural order of things. The end of the story is almost identical to how this episode ends with the moral being the same.

HOW MANY STAKES?

Who wants to live forever? 2.5 (out of 5)

BUFFY: 4.15 ‘THIS YEAR’S GIRL'

Buffy vs. Faith smackdown

WRITER: Douglas Petrie
DIRECTOR: Michael Gershman

WHAT’S THE SITCH?

Buffy is scared for Riley, wounded and back in the hands of the Initiative. She starts planning a desperate raid on the facility…when Riley suddenly shows up. He seems better and says he just walked out, albeit after they tried to stop him. Buffy is joyful to see her man back to his old self and in seemingly good shape, though still kinda sore from his Adam inflicted wound. Meanwhile, across town, in the hospital, Faith, still unconscious following her battle with Buffy at the end of last season, is dreaming scary dreams. In those dreams she is being constantly stalked and attacked by Buffy. Then, after the pair tussle in a rain-sodden open grave, Faith finally appears victorious. And wakes up. Disorientated, she escapes the hospital and wanders the town, running in to a demon who gives her a present from an old friend. The Mayor. He left her a recorded video message to watch if/when she were ever to wake up. Part of his message is to tell Faith that with him gone and their plan failed, the dark slayer will be all alone with no place in the world for her anymore. So he gives her a small magical device. Then, message over, and with her mind set, Faith sets out to track down Buffy, to seek revenge. However Buffy has now been forewarned, having been told by the police that Faith is awake and on the loose. Buffy immediately starts searching for her. The next day Faith surprises Buffy on campus and the pair fight. But Faith goes and escapes. Later that night though, she turns up at Buffy’s house and takes Joyce hostage. Buffy arrives to save her mom. And thus another brutal slayer vs. slayer fight ensues. But before Buffy can get the upper hand, Faith employs her magical gift from The Mayor. A beat later and Buffy clocks a distracted Faith, knocking her out. The police arrive and take an unconscious Faith away. Buffy’s mom asks her rather stunned looking daughter if she’s okay, to which ‘Buffy’ eventually replies with an evil smile: “Five by Five.” Gulp!

To be continued…

WHAT’S THE SITCH BENEATH THE SITCH?

As Faith is back so we return to the whole mirror image/dark side of yourself thing that Faith represents to Buffy. She also acts as Buffy’s conscience, pointing out her flaws and selfish shortcomings. In this episode we are reminded that Joyce has not been a part of this season except for early on when Buffy was feeling lost and alone. Since then, her mom has been a sidelined character in Buffy’s life, something Faith gleefully points out to them both. She’s not wrong. When Buffy took the ones she cares for most in to hiding a couple of episodes ago Joyce was noticeable in her absence. It is also cool to note that in Faith’s head Buffy is the monster, the cruel one who wants nothing but to cause pain.

WHO’S GIVING US THE WIGGINS THIS WEEK?

The glorious Ms Lehane

WHY IT ROCKS

Gotta have Faith. She’s my second fave character in the Buffyverse and Eliza Dushku rocks my world in this role. To have her back is brilliant! As always she’s an inferno of anger, lethal violence and dangerously provocative sexuality. And yet beneath all of that lives a scared, damaged and deeply vulnerable child. Here, Faith is desperate to find a new life and to take revenge on the person she believes ruined her old one. Namely Buffy. Faith makes for a brilliant villain. In this one episode there is more sense of danger and dread than in the entire season so far.

The Mayor. Awesome to see Harry Groener back as Mayor Richard Wilkins. He’s only in two scenes - in Faith’s dream enjoying a nice picnic with her, then again in the video message that newly awakened Faith watches. Such a great character. A truly loveable bad guy.

The script. Ace Faith writer Doug Petrie returns to the character he does best using Faith as a conduit to explore the darker, more selfish realms of Buffy’s soul, to show us Buffy as the monster, the big bad in someone else’s life. He manages to show us Faith as a victim. A victim of her upbringing and of her own doing with Buffy as the single physical embodiment of everything bad that has ever happened to her. The Buffy/Faith mirror image thing is then taken to its logical ends with the episodes final uber-cool reveal.

The fights. We get two major slayer vs. slayer smackdowns. The first is in broad daylight at Sunnydale U in front of hundreds of students. The second is in Buffy’s house where windows, doors, furniture all get destroyed. Both are great. The first is briefer and more of a traditional Buffy battle, while the second is a big ol’ brawl with loads of property wreckage as bodies go flying through glass doors, tables are crushed, walls pounded. As always, the director, fight co-ordinators and performers do us proud. The camera stays back and just lets ‘em go at it. Editing is rhythmic and propulsive and we get to hear and feel every single bone-crunching blow.

Dream sequences. Faith’s dream sequences are terrific and tell us lots about how she feels and what scares her as well as foretelling a key event in season five. Buffy and Faith are making up a bed in Buffy’s home when Faith says they have to get things ready cuz “Little sis is coming.” Just shows Joss and co. had lots of Buffy planned out in advance. Once more continuity (past and forward) will prove to be a major strength of this show.

Gutted. While out searching the woods for Adam, Buffy and Xander come across a dead demon hung in the trees with its innards splayed open. According to writer Doug Petrie this is a direct homage to Silence of the Lambs.

WHY IT SUCKS

Why the hell does Buffy think Xander can fix an Initiative blaster? He ain’t Scotty.

There is some seriously awful costuming in this episode. I’m no fashion expert but Xander’s orange vest/shirt combo is hideous. And Willow’s fluffy orange hat she wears throughout is equally nasty. Also, what they dress poor Tara in is far from flattering. At least Faith looks cool. But then she’d look cool in a garbage sack.

After the fight on campus, Faith escapes and we see her vault a high stone wall. As she does, the whole thing wobbles rather obviously. EEK! Also, any Buffy fan will know that this fake wall is a part of the exterior standing set on the Buffy production lot. We see it all the time as part of the graveyard.

Right before Buffy finds the demon hanging from the trees, we can clearly see someone in the bushes to her right. It looks like a boom mic operator as we can see the long pole reaching out above him. Oops!

IT’S BUFFTASTIC

'Buffy': “Five by Five.”

DIALOGUE TO DIE FOR

Xander (regarding Adam and Faith): "I'd hate to see the pursuit of a homicidal lunatic get in the way of pursuing a homicidal lunatic."

Willow: "That was the funnest coma ever."

Buffy: "Faith, these are innocent people."
Faith: "No such animal."

Willow: "She's like this cleavagey slutbomb walking around going 'Ooh. Check me out, I'm wicked cool. I'm five by five.'"

Spike: "Can't any one of your damned little Scooby club at least try to remember that I hate you all?"

Joyce: “Are you sure you’re alright?”
‘Buffy' (evil smile): “Five by Five.”

AND ANOTHER THING

The first day in this episode is Friday, February 25, 2000 - four days before it actually aired in real world time (February 29th 2000).

Around the time Eliza Dushku was filming this episode she was also filming the well thought of and highly successful cheerleader comedy Bring it On in which she co-starred with Kirsten Dunst.

HOW MANY STAKES?

I now have Faith in this season. 4 (out of 5)

GRR ARGH! Jossless Buffy gets the (re)boot.

Oh balls!

It’s official. Atlas Entertainment has announced via press release that they are “…rebooting the beloved franchise, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, with Warner Bros. Pictures.” Charles Roven and Steve Alexander will produce the new film alongside Doug Davison and Roy Lee of Vertigo Entertainment. Whit Anderson is writing the script. And who be Whit? Apparently she is a young actress with no script writing credits and only three minor acting credits. But who knows, she may turn out to be a great writer. Doubtful I know, but we can but hope.

Producer Roven said:

“Whit approached us with an exciting idea about how to update Buffy. There is an active fan base eagerly awaiting this character’s return to the big screen. We’re thrilled to team up with Doug and Roy on a re-imagining of Buffy and the world she inhabits. Details of the film are being kept under wraps, but I can say while this is not your high school Buffy, she’ll be just as witty, tough, and sexy as we all remember her to be.”

Crap!

And there was me thinking that the proposal from earlier this year by the original film’s producers to reboot Buffy sans Joss had died a death. Apparently not.

Double crap!

Based on that quote from Roven, Atlas and Warner Bros appear to have no clue as to what the vast majority of Buffy fandom wants. Yes, Buffy fandom is big, active and still growing. Yes, we have been eagerly awaiting her return to the screen (big or small).

But not like this.

If Roven and co. really wants to know what fandom thinks then he needs to check out the most active fan sites such as SlayAlive. Sure, a few on there seem intrigued, some just dismissive. But the majority by a mile are openly hostile to his plans. The main point of hostility being that Joss Whedon, Buffy’s creator and all round genius, is not involved. Nor does it sound like he was even approached.

The truth of it is that Warner and Atlas only have the rights to the name and character of Buffy and to characters and events in the dire 1992 movie which they’ve licensed from the dreaded Kaz and Fran Kazui, producer and director respectfully of that movie. They have access to nothing of the classic TV show's characters and situations as that all resides with Fox and Joss. So this new take will either be a rehash of the original movie or some entirely new story/mythology about a girl called Buffy who kills vampires. And it doesn’t even sound like it’ll be a high school thing either. Maybe she’ll be a cute blond twentysomething waitress in a southern bar with special powers and who falls in love with a broody vampire. Hang on a sec…

If this all sounds like I’m being rather too precious and protective, then you’re right, I am. Damn straight I'm protective of Buffy. And I make no apologies for being that way.

Joss's Buffy is one of the few things in pop culture I do feel immensely protective of. She is Joss’s creation, his avatar as he described her. Despite many writers providing her words it was always Joss’s voice that came through. She’s his girl. End of.

And just so you know, I’m not one of those angry fanboys who bemoan all remakes and reboots. As I’ve said before in previous blog posts, I'm not morally opposed to them. Some of the best films and TV have been remakes and reboots. Buffy itself was a reboot of the failed movie. But I only agree with them when there is artistic merit. Not just for pure financial gain. Another Buffy reboot by others in the distant future post-joss would be fine. But to actively do it while the guy is still writing Buffy (seasons 8 & 9 comics) and while its fandom is still so big and active and vocal is just plain disrespectful to Joss and to the millions of the Slayer’s fans all around the world. It comes across as nothing but a cynical cash grab aimed at the Twilight generation.

Some comments I’ve seen have compared this yucky turn of events to JJ Abrams reboot of Star Trek.

I say no. Not the same.

I thought Abrams’ Trek reboot was brilliant. But there’s a big difference here. Roddenberry is long gone and by the time Abrams came to it, the Trek franchise had been done to death, and, in my opinion, pretty shabbily treated in its latter years with the likes of Enterprise, Insurrection and Nemesis. It needed a reboot in order to survive. And a good one at that. And thanks to JJ and co. that is exactly what it got. Also, Abrams reboot is still very much a part of the classic Trek universe (though a universe now altered by time travel). It has the same characters, situations and is linked by Nimoy's Spock Prime which gives the whole thing instant credibility.

So there you go. Those are my thoughts on this grim turn of events for the Slayer. I just hope that whether the movie is a success or failure (critically and/or commercially) it doesn’t taint the popularity of Joss’s classic series or adversely affect its ongoing comic book continuation.

This is what Hercules, Ain’t it cool news’ TV guy had to say after reporting the news:

“Buffy fans have been craving a movie for more than a decade. Given youngsters’ insatiable lust for young-adult vampire stories of any stripe, I suspect something called “Buffy” will find its way to the big screen. It may even be good. But without Whedon working the script, it won’t be Buffy.”

And I leave the last witty, sardonic words to the man himself, taken from his email response to E-online regarding the reboot news:

“I always hoped that Buffy would live on even after my death. But, you know, AFTER. I don't love the idea of my creation in other hands, but I'm also well aware that many more hands than mine went into making that show what it was. And there is no legal grounds for doing anything other than sighing audibly. I can't wish people who are passionate about my little myth ill. I can, however, take this time to announce that I'm making a Batman movie. Because there's a franchise that truly needs updating. So look for The Dark Knight Rises Way Earlier Than That Other One And Also More Cheaply And In Toronto, rebooting into a theater near you. Leave me to my pain! Sincerely, Joss Whedon.”

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Season 1, Episode 12 'Prophecy Girl'

"Bite me!"

Writer: Joss Whedon
Director: Joss Whedon

What’s the sitch?

*SPOIILER ALERT*

Xander finally asks Buffy out to the upcoming Spring Fling dance…only to be knocked back by the “I don’t think of you that way” line. Later on, Buffy overhears Giles and Angel discussing a prophecy Giles has just discovered in the Codex: the ancient book Angel supplied him with. The prophecy tells of how The Master is about to rise and that Buffy will die at his hands. Buffy is devastated. She tells Giles she quits and runs off home.

The next day, Willow and Cordelia discover the bodies of students in the school's audio/visual room. They’ve been brutally murdered by vamps working for The Master. Buffy goes to see the traumatised Willow at her home to offer comfort. Seeing what this has done to her friend and realising that Willow and Xander may well be next, Buffy decides to face her destiny and seek out The Master before anyone else gets hurt. So wearing the dress her mum bought her for the dance plus Angel’s leather jacket, our brave slayer tools up and makes for The Master's lair looking for a showdown.

But in the ensuing battle with the ancient vampire, Buffy does indeed die at his hands by drowning in a shallow pool of water. And The Master, having now killed the Slayer, fulfils the prophecy and rises from his underground prison, arriving on the surface, triumphant in his victory.

Meanwhile, Xander and Angel get to The Master’s former lair only to find Buffy face down in the water, dead. Xander gives her CPR...and eventually she splutters back to life feeling stronger than ever. The reinvigorated slayer then heads up to the surface to seek out The Master for what will be their final battle.

And on the roof of the school library, as the Hellmouth beneath starts to open, Buffy and The Master fight once more.

But this time our girl is too strong for him and the risen vampire, soon bested, plunges down through the skylight to be impaled on some broken wood, killing him outright.

The Master dead, the Hellmouth immediately closes. All is well once more.

Reunited, the gang decides to go on to The Bronze for the Spring Fling dance.

“Sure!" remarks Buffy. "We saved the world. I say we party. I mean, I got all pretty.”

And they all head off for some well deserved fun.

What’s the sitch beneath the sitch?
This is all about fate, destiny and sacrifice. And above all friendship. Despite being traumatised by the prophecy and what it means for her, Buffy puts the safety of her friends and others before her own life. Luckily things don’t turn out quite as she’d expected.

Who’s giving us the wiggins this week?
The Master and the seemingly inescapable pull of fate.

Why it rocks
1. Joss writes and directs. This is the big season finale that pays off everything that has been set up in the prior eleven episodes. The story is tight, well structured, character driven, emotional and has impact. It’s also a lot of fun in a bleak kinda way and is ultimately a highly satisfying finale to the first season.

2. Sarah Michelle Gellar. She slays all before her. Watching her portray such an epic emotional journey in just one episode is something to behold. She starts as happy schoolgirl, then goes to embarrassed, uncomfortable teen, to devastated and terrified child, then to compassionate friend and finally to calm and focussed warrior. When she dons her pretty dress and leather jacket and tools up with stakes and a crossbow the icon has most definitely arrived. It’s like watching Batman put his costume on. Kristy Swanson donned more or less the same gear in the movie but it never had the same impact that it does here…mostly because the film was rubbish and didn’t take itself or the character remotely seriously. Plus Swanson lacked the petite vulnerability, emotional range and sheer acting chops of Gellar.

3. “I quit.” The entire scene where Buffy reacts to the fatal prophecy and quits her slaying gig is one of the finest pieces of writing and acting in the entire seven seasons of the show. And it ends with that most heartbreaking of lines: "Giles, I'm sixteen years old. I don't wanna die."

4. Subvert and die. Joss pulls one of his usual tricks and subverts the audience’s expectations. Even with the prophecy we don’t really expect Buffy to die at the hands of The Master. But die she does.

5. Xander the hero. It is fitting that Xander is the one who saves Buffy by insisting that Angel takes him to The Master’s lair, showing that he truly loves Buffy despite her not feeling the same way for him. And finding Buffy dead, it is Xander who brings her back to life. Angel, the one she does love, is the one who’s reluctant to go and help her and is also unable to save her life having no breath for CPR. Along with Buffy, Xander is the true hero of the piece. He steps up to the mark and puts his own fears, hurt feelings, and his own life aside to save someone he really does love. It’s the theme of this episode. And it works beautifully.

6. Play that rockin’ theme. Newly revived and stronger than ever, our girl gets back up and strides off to find The Master for some serious payback as the Buffy the Vampire Slayer theme blasts out. Love it.

Why it sucks
1. The rubber Hellmouth monster is crap.

2. How come the Master’s bones remain after he dies? Surely they should turn to dust with the rest of him.

3. Not much humour to be found here; it's mostly angst and death and mayhem.

It’s Buftastic
Buffy learns of her prophesied fate and rails against Angel and Giles before running away. Her subsequent conversation with Willow shows us the moment where she decides to face her destiny and save her friends no matter the cost to herself.

Dialogue to die for
Xander: “I'm just gonna go home, lie down and listen to country music, the music of pain.”

Angel: “By the way, I really like your dress.”
Buffy: “Yeah, yeah. Big hit with everyone.”

Buffy (to The Master): “You have fruit punch mouth.”

Buffy: “Sure! We saved the world. I say we party. I mean, I got all pretty.”

And another thing
Prophecy Girl marks Joss Whedon’s debut as a director. And a darn good job he does too.

Cast and crew had no idea if the show was going to be picked up for a second season when this was made as the entire first season was shot and finished a few months prior to it being aired. And so Prophecy Girl is designed as not just a season finale but a show finale too. Luckily for us Buffy hit big and season two (this time a full 22 episodes) was soon greenlit.

How many stakes?
I prophesise five for this girl. 5 (out of 5)

And so ends my Buffy season one recap. I'll move on to season two soon.

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Season 1, Episode 10 'Nightmares'

Is it weird that I think she still looks cute all vamped? Xander did.


Writer: David Greenwalt (story by Joss Whedon)
Director: Bruce Seth Green

What's the sitch?
The people of Sunnydale's nightmares start coming true. Buffy, Giles, Willow and Xander are forced to confront their greatest fears while trying to discover what's causing this madness and then stopping it before nightmares engulf the world. The answers they seek may well be linked to a small boy laying comatose in the hospital after being found beaten unconscious. The very same small boy Buffy has been seeing in her nightmares and who's constantly running away from a hideous monster that wants to hurt him.

What's the sitch beneath the sitch?
This episode is about dealing with the intense psychological trauma caused by abuse. The little boy, Billy, was bullied and then beaten unconscious by an adult. As a result, he suffered deep physical and psychological trauma. The Hellmouth allows Billy to share his inner trauma and fear with the rest of the town by making them all live out their own personal terrors.

Who's giving us the wiggins this week?
Plenty. The Master pops up to taunt Buffy. There's a plague of spiders, Xander is chased by an evil knife wielding clown and Billy is continually chased by a scary club handed monster known as the Ugly Man.

Why it rocks
1. The concept. It's a hoary old story made fresh and genuinely creepy and also rather moving by some great writing, great directing and some top notch acting especially from Sarah Michelle Gellar.

2. The horror. While some of the nightmares are funny (Xander walking in to class almost naked, Cordy being a chess club nerd), others are properly freaky such as Xander's homicidal clown chasing him with a big knife.

3. The emotional horror. The single most awful nightmare in this episode (and one of the series most heart wrenching scenes) is where Buffy's dad (Dean Butler) picks her up from school for the weekend but then sits her down and tells her he doesn't want to see her anymore as it's all her fault that he and Buffy's mother got divorced and that Buffy is such a huge disappointment to him. Part of the reason this scene works so horribly well is because it comes out of the blue and is played so matter of factly by Buffy's dad. But it's SMG who truly sells it. Watch her face as she hears all of this casual cruelty coming from the lips of her dad, someone Buffy plainly adores. Heartbreaking stuff.

4. Vampire Buffy. Another of Buffy's greatest fears (shared by Giles as it turns out) is Buffy being vamped. Seeing Buffy in full-on vamp face is still pretty darn cool to this day.

Why it sucks
1. We presume the Hellmouth is somehow responsible for Billy being able to do what he does but it is never properly explained, though Giles has a brave go.

2. When Buffy becomes a vampire she somehow stays her old self and can control her blood hunger. Oh, and at the end when she's fighting in the hospital hallway she is going in and out of sunlight without turning all burny.

It's Buftastic
SMG acts her little socks off in the scene with Buffy and her dad. If you aren't moved then you aren't human.

Dialogue to die for
Xander (happily following a trail of candy bars): “Someone else's loss is my chocolatey goodness.”

And another thing
This is the first time we see Buffy's dad in the show. And although his treatment of Buffy in this episode is from her nightmare, the pair eventually do become estranged with Hank Summers not even coming to Buffy's mothers funeral or contacting his daughter to offer her help. So this episode is actually rather telling. Effectively Giles becomes the true father figure to Buffy from here on out.

How many stakes?
What a nightmare! 3.5 (out of 5)

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Season 1, Episode 9 'The Puppet Show'

Brrr...creepy dummy


Writer: Dean Batali & Rob Des Hotel
Director: Ellen S Pressman

What's the sitch?
It's time for Sunnydale High's annual talent(less) show; a chance to showcase truly terrible magicians, terrible singers (step forward Cordelia Chase) and the weird ventriloquist act of student Morgan and his creepy dummy Sid. But when students start turning up dead and with organs missing, Buffy suspects that creepy dummy Sid might somehow be behind the gruesome killings. However, things are not necessarily what they seem. They seldom are in Sunnydale.

What's the sitch beneath the sitch?
Nothing obvious, just more High School is hell stuff. However it is amusing in this age of X Factor/Britain's Got Talent seeing talentless teens desperately trying to get on stage and be liked. That is except for Buffy, Xander and Willow who try to avoid it like the plague but end up being forced to 'volunteer' by heinous Principle Snyder.

Who's giving us the wiggins this week?
As this is a whodunnit then that would be telling. But Sid the dummy does give good wiggins throughout. As does new Principle Snyder.

Why it rocks
1. It's a mystery. This episode is a lot of fun and a pretty good whodunnit with a some nice twists and reveals.

2. Sid the dummy. He's creepy but also very funny and very well realised. His lecherous looks and comments - especially regarding Buffy - are great. Tom Wyner who provided Sid's voice did top notch work.

3. The horror. There's some genuine nastiness going on here with brutal murder and organ theft. Plus, any time you use ventriloquist dummies you are guaranteed to generate some oogly feelings in people.

4. The funny. The Puppet Show is one of the first season's funniest episodes thanks mostly to Sid and his wise cracking and rather lecherous behaviour. Principle Snyder and Xander also help bring some major funny too.

5. Snyder. Nasty Principle Snyder (Armin Shimerman) – or, as Giles calls him, “our new Fuhrer” - débuts in this episode and makes an instant impact on the gang and the audience.

6. Greek tragedy. Buffy, Willow and Xander's attempt at a scene of Greek tragedy for the talent show is hilariously terrible. You have to be good actors to pretend to be this bad.

Why it sucks
1. It's a monster of the week show with nothing to add to the overall season.

2. As far as I can tell there's no underlying metaphor at work, though I'm probably missing it.

It's Buftastic
Buffy wakes up in her room in the middle of the night thinking something is in there with her. Well and truly freaked out, she screams in terror as something comes at her from the bed covers. Brrr

Dialogue to die for
Snyder: "I know Principal Flutie would have said, 'Kids need understanding. Kids are human beings.' That's the kind of woolly-headed liberal thinking that leads to being eaten."

Xander: (messing around with Sid the Dummy) "REDRUM, REDRUM, REDRUM!!"

And another thing
This is the only episode of Buffy that carries on in to the end credits with Buffy, Willow and Xander performing their awful Greek tragedy scene for the talent show.

Cordelia sang in the talent show because Joss knew Charisma Carpenter really couldn't sing. Prior to filming when he asked her, “Can you sing?” and she said “No,” Joss allegedly smiled and replied “Good.” So the voice you hear is more or less Carpenter's real singing voice. Jeez! Good job she wasn't around for 'Once More With Feeling.'

SMG admitted to having nightmares about dummies after filming this episode. The scene in Buffy's bedroom in the middle of the night might have had something to do with that.

How many stakes?
Buffy's no dummy. 3 (out of 5)

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Season 1, Episode 8 'I Robot, You Jane'

What a load of old Moloch(s)


Writer: Ashley Gable, Thomas A Swyden
Director: Stephen Posey

What's the sitch?
Willow becomes involved in an online relationship with someone she thinks is the perfect boy...only to find out it is in fact an evil demon looking to use her (and other teenagers) for its own dark purposes.

What's the sitch beneath the sitch?
This is one of the most glaringly obvious metaphor shows Buffy has ever done. Beware internet predators posing as kids. Of course, in the Buffyverse online predators are replaced by an ancient demon looking to use kids to help manifest itself through modern technology.

Who's giving us the wiggins this week?
Malcolm aka Moloch the Destroyer

Why it rocks
1. Willow takes centre stage. Put Willow in danger and you guarantee grabbing the audience. Ally Hannigan's big soulful eyes and trembling lip does it every time.

2. We meet Jenny Calender (Robia La Morte) for the first time, Sunnydale High's computer studies teacher. She'll play a major role over the next year or so. Plus she makes a great love interest/foil for Giles.

Why it sucks
It just ain't very good. Though the notion of demons inhabiting the internet is an interesting one, it just isn't scary. And the monster, Moloch, ends up looking ridiculous. Oh yeah, and the image of glassy eyed teens tapping away for hours at keyboards might be a nice comment on modern life but in the context of an exciting horror/comedy/drama show it leaves much to be desired. Consider this episode a file ready for deletion.

It's Buftastic
Um, when it's over?

Dialogue to die for
Ms. Calendar: "You're here again? You kids really dig the library, don't you?"
Buffy: "We're literary."
Xander: "To read makes our speaking English good."

And another thing
Did I mention this one ain't much good? Move along, move along...

How many stakes?
It's a wilting one. 1 (out of 5)

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Season 1, Episode 6 'The Pack'

Writer: Matt Kiene & Joe Reinkenmeyer
Director: Bruce Seth Green

What's the sitch?
While on a class outing to the zoo Xander ventures in to the cordoned off Hyena exhibit to save a kid from a gang of bullies...only to have the Hyena's pull a mystical whammy on both the Xan man and the bullies by possessing them and turning them in to a cruel pack of predators. Being Hyena possessed, Xander's behaviour starts to change and he soon alienates Buffy and Willow by hanging out more and more with his nasty new friends. But things start to get much worse when new school mascot Herbert the piglet is mysteriously eaten alive. And then things get much MUCH worse when the school's principle, Mr Flutie, suffers the same grisly fate. Buffy is convinced that Xander and the others have been possessed by something evil. And while Giles tries to find out how to undo the possession Buffy tries to keep Xander away from the Pack and out of trouble.

What's the sitch beneath the sitch?
It's all about bullies, falling in with the wrong crowd and also the general adult fear of a feral youth. You know the drill: normally good kid makes some dodgy new friends and his/her behaviour starts to change for the worse. Except that in the Buffyverse it's a mystical whammy that makes Xander behave this way and pushes the already nasty gang of bullies in to pig killing, then finally in to murder and cannibalism.

Who's giving us the wiggins this week?
The gang of bullies, a creepy zoo keeper and Xander.

Why it rocks
1. Metaphor. Okay, so it ain't subtle but it does the job. Adults, if you annoy teenagers enough then they might just eat you.

2. Horror. Despite the inherent silliness of the idea this is actually pretty nasty stuff. Finding out that cute little Herbert has been eaten alive is bad enough. But soon after we get to see the Pack encircle and taunt poor Principle Flutie before they attack him and (out of sight though not out of earshot) tear him apart. Also, the small scene where a mother and her baby stumble across and awaken the slumbering Pack is nicely tense and mildly disturbing. As the Pack look at the mother and her child with burning hunger you really do think its gonna be chow time again. Gulp!

3. Nasty Xander. Nicholas Brendon is excellent as nasty Xander. Luckily he avoids chowing on Herbert and Principle Flutie, though he does get to be really horrible to poor Willow making her cry and everything. And when Willow cries it really gets you where it hurts. He also attempts to sexually assault Buffy. It's pretty grim stuff. And Buffy is so shocked (as are we) that initially she isn't able to defend herself, though she does eventually manage to subdue her possessed friend before he can do her any actual harm.

4. Killed off. Yet another regular character is killed of as Principle Flutie (Ken Learner) becomes a school dinner. This paves the way for the school's new principle: the odious child hating Snyder played with relish by Armin (Quark from DS9) Shimerman.

Why it sucks
1. Bad puppets. The 'real' Hyenas we see at the zoo are obvious puppets. And pretty awful ones at that.

2. Giles being slow. Giles is a bit slow on the uptake about the zoo keeper. Has he never seen Scooby Doo?

3. Odd pack behaviour. If Xander is now part of the Pack then how come he spends so much time off doing his own thing like trying to assault Buffy?

It's Buftastic
Buffy catches poor little piglet Herbert, the school mascot who's escaped from his cage and is looking to get the heck out of Sunnydale High. Maybe he knows what's coming. Poor piggy. Anyway, Herbert's run is great. It's shot low angle with high speed pig POV hurtling down hallways, through people's legs...then right in to Buffy's waiting arms. SMG looks genuinely happy cuddling Herbert. Maybe this is where the idea for Buffy's stuffed toy pig Mr Gordo came from.

Dialogue to die for
Xander (to Buffy): "We just saw the zebras mating. Thank you, very exciting!"
Willow (also to Buffy): "It was like the Heimlich... with stripes!"

And another thing
We see Buffy and Giles training for the first time.

How many stakes?
It's a three member pack. 3 (out of 5)

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Season 1, Episode 5 'Never Kill a Boy on the First Date'

Writers: Rob Des Hotel & Dean Batali
Director: David Semel

What’s the sitch?
Buffy has a major crush on quiet and bookish student Owen. Unfortunately Cordelia has her eyes on him too. Luckily for Buff, Owen already had his eye on her - much to Cordelia’s horror - and he asks our slayer out on a date. But poor Buffy gets no breaks in the love department and her date is interrupted by Xander and Willow who need her to go rescue Giles from a pack of marauding vamps that have the watcher trapped inside the Sunnydale funeral home. Buffy leaves Owen to go with her friends to help Giles…but Owen follows her and things get complicated as Buffy must save Giles, kill the vamps and keep Owen safe and unaware of what’s really going on.

What’s the sitch beneath the sitch?
It’s all about life and balancing the competing elements of responsibility and fun. This is the first time that Buffy’s perfectly reasonable desire to have a normal teenage girl’s life comes in to direct conflict with her duties as the Slayer. She is so taken with Owen that she loses sight of the pressing danger of The Master and the prophecy that’s unfolding. And in doing so almost gets Giles killed.

Who’s giving us the wiggins this week?
Crazy bible spouting vamp in the funeral home, The Master and other assorted bloodsuckers.

Why it rocks
1. She’s just a girl. This episode emphasises one of the main ongoing themes of the show: Buffy’s eternal struggle to just be a normal girl with a normal life.

2. Funny speak. There are a lot of great lines throughout. I may have to include several in the ‘dialogue to die for’ bit below.

3. Cute Buffy. Buffy is so darn cute when she’s all excited and little girly. No wonder Giles can’t say no to her. She’s also immensely cute all snuggled up in her hooded tiger stripe coat whilst out in the chilly graveyard waiting for a vamp to rise.

4. Queen C. Cordelia losing out to Buffy over Owen and then again to her over Angel is most amusing.

5. Ooh, twisty! There’s a cool twist at the end.

Why it sucks
1. Owen (Christopher Wiehl) is kind of a sap. I really don’t get what Buffy or Cordelia would see in him.

2. What plot? There really isn’t much of one. This is a kind of half-way story that makes up part of the bigger season arc to do with getting The Master free and is only really about the final (admittedly great) twist reveal.

3. Stupid vampires. Giles evades the rampaging vamps in the funeral home in a pretty unconvincing manner. They must have been some really thick undead types.

It’s Buftastic
Buffy fights crazy vamp at the funeral home and bests him with a one way trip to the furnace.

Dialogue to die for
Giles: “Alright, I'll just jump in my time machine, go back to the twelfth century and ask the vampires to postpone their ancient prophecy for a few days while you take in dinner and a show.”
Buffy: “Okay, at this point you're abusing sarcasm.”

Buffy: “If the apocalypse comes, beep me.”

Xander: "So, Buffy, how'd the slaying go last night?"
Buffy: "Xander!"
Xander: "I mean how'd the LAYING go last night? No, I don't mean that either."

Buffy: "But...cute guy...teenager...post-pubescent fantasies?"

Xander: "Sure, he has a certain Owenosity."

Cordelia (seeing Angel for the first time): “Ooh! Hello, salty goodness!”

And another thing
Giles says that he doesn't have an instruction manual for slaying, but in the second season episode 'What's My Line, Part Two', new slayer Kendra mentions the Slayer Handbook, which Giles thought would be useless in Buffy's case.

Giles is at least a third generation Watcher. Giles' father told him he was destined to be a Watcher when he was ten, ruining his plans to become either a fighter pilot or a grocer.

How many stakes?
It has a certain Owenosity. 2 (out of 5)

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Season 1, Episode 4 'Teacher’s Pet'

Writer: David Greenwalt
Director: Bruce Seth Green

What’s the sitch?

When Buffy’s favourite teacher turns up dead sans head, a sexy new substitute, Ms French, arrives at Sunnydale High and immediately inflames the lustiness of her male students…including Xander. Unfortunately for the lusty boys, Ms French is not what she seems. And Xander, blind to the danger, is about to become the lethally lovely teacher’s next victim.

What’s the sitch beneath the sitch?

It’s all about sex. Teenage hormone bombs getting hot for teacher is nothing new. Just ask Van Halen. Unfortunately neither is the occasional predatory teacher who will take advantage of the situation. Of course the Buffyverse’s take on a predatory teacher is utterly weird: a giant female mantis bug looking for boys to fertilise the eggs she lays. Yuck! The other underlying theme here is to do with the often awkward teenage embarrassment and peer pressure regarding all things sex. Something most of us can relate to.

Who’s giving us the wiggins this week?

Bug lady Ms French (Musetta Vander) and some anonymous vamp with a metal clawed hand who Buff uses as a sniffer dog to locate bug lady and save Xander.

Why it rocks

1. Metaphor. It’s another metaphor show. Part of what this series does so well.

2. Hot teacher. Musetta Vander who plays Ms French is a beautiful woman with a deliciously seductive manner. You can see why Xander and the rest of the boys go all googly for her.

3. Funny Xander. It’s a Xander comedy episode with Nick Brendon taking centre stage. And that’s never a bad thing. The episode’s opening scene with Xander daydreaming about Buffy is hilarious as is the brief call-back to it when he thinks he’s scored with Ms French. Brendon plays goofy awkward charm better than almost anyone. His arrival at Ms French’s house and his stumbled over words are very funny indeed.

Why it sucks

1. Silly bugs. It is funny and Brendon’s great and the metaphor works fine, however it is perhaps just a tad too silly. Plus, it doesn’t help that the actual monster – the giant mantis – is rather crap.

2. Mr Cryptic. Angel is Mr Cryptic guy who just turns up and delivers some needlessly cryptic and overripe warnings while missing out the fundamental piece of info Buffy needs. He should have just said to her, “Watch out for the vampire with the metal claw.” ‘Nuff said.

It’s Buftastic

Xander has his heroic vampire slaying/guitar playing day dream at the episodes start with a love struck Buffy watching him go. The daydream is then wonderfully undercut by real Buffy waking him in class with a whispered, “Xander…you’re drooling.”

Dialogue to die for

Giles: “Uh, well, basically the, uh, the She-Mantis assumes the form of a beautiful woman and then lures innocent virgins back to her nest.”
Buffy: “Virgins? Well, Xander's not a, uh...I mean, he's probably...”
Willow: “...gonna die!”

And another thing

We find out in this episode that Xander's middle name is LaVelle and Willow's last name is Rosenberg.

This is the first script by David Greenwalt, who would go on to become a producer on the show and one of its main writers and would later co-create and run the Angel spin-off.

How many stakes?
Xander got bugged. 2.5 (out of 5)

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Season 1, Episode 3 'Witch'

Writer: Dana Reston
Director: Stephen Cragg


What's the sitch?
Buffy is looking to expand her interests at Sunnydale High. First stop is trying out for the cheer leading squad, something she used to do in her last school. Unfortunately her fellow cheerleader wannabes are being injured by an unseen force. One bursts in to flame, another goes blind and then Buffy herself becomes mystically poisoned. Giles suspects witchcraft – black magic. But who would want to hurt cheerleaders and why? The gang sets out to identify and then stop the supposed witch, whoever he or she may be, before Buffy succumbs to the dark magic that's rapidly killing her.

What's the sitch beneath the sitch?
The first non-vampire story, Witch is also the first episode of Buffy to use genuine honest to god metaphor for the trials and tribulations of teenage life. It's domineering parent syndrome with a vile mother insanely jealous of her daughter's youth who uses dark magic to relive her own youth though her rather clutzy teen offspring.

Who's giving us the wiggins this week?
The witch of course. And a cute black cat that makes Giles (and us) jump. “Nice...kitty...” he murmurs, getting over the shock.

Why it rocks
1. Metaphor. Like I said, it's the first time the series uses the supernatural as a metaphor to highlight teen troubles. And it does it in a fun, creepy and clever way.

2. A Buffy hug. Buffy is really sweet in this episode as she tries to befriend poor Amy.

3. Creepiness. Witchcraft is presented in a cosily familiar way with a cauldron and a spell book and...um...a familiar (the cute black cat that freaks Giles). So far so Harry Potter. But the episode also manages to make witchcraft properly creepy. Witness Amy's mum's attic room where she does her spells. Those dolls are icky. Plus the poor girl in school who loses her mouth. And Amy's mum's final horrible fate which is something that amusingly continues in to next season with Oz saying how the statue's eyes seem to follow you around the room. Heh.

4. Xander loves Buffy. Xander fretting over asking Buffy out is charming and funny with the audience cheering him on and hoping for the best. His present to her is cute but is mostly there as a plot point.

Why it sucks
Nobody seems to question Giles hanging around with students quite as much as he does. Nowadays he'd be put on a list.

Does anyone else ever use the library? What are the school paying Giles for? Actually this turns in to a knowing and running gag later on in the show.

Again with Giles; the poor guy gets knocked out in the first of many head traumas to come. This is one cliché I hate in TV land.

It's Buftastic
Buffy does her rendition of the Village People song Macho Man. Buffy dances in to her kitchen wearing her cheerleader outfit singing, “Macho macho maaan. I want to be...a macho man.” Seeing her mum making fresh orange juice, she bounces up to her and says, “Oh, hey, juice.” This never fails to make me laugh. Perfectly timed, perfectly silly, perfectly Buffy.

Dialogue to die for
Xander: “I laugh in the face of danger. Then I hide until it goes away.”

And another thing
We see Giles' car for the first time – the knacked out old Citroen.

Amy (Elizabeth Anne Allen) becomes a recurring character but is doomed to turn in to a rat for three years and live in a cage with Willow before finally being restored to human in season six. She is also one of the main villains in the season 8 comic book continuation.

How many stakes?
Plunge three and a half in and watch it dust. 3.5 (out of 5)

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: 1.2 'The Harvest'

Writer: Joss Whedon
Director: John Kretchmer

What's the sitch?
Part 2 of the pilot follows directly on from part 1 with Buffy trapped and about to get bit by nasty vampire lug Luke. Of course she escapes, rescues Willow and Xander but finds out Jesse has been taken. A rescue plan is formed but not before Giles informs them that the evil vampire The Master, trapped by mystical energy beneath the town, intends to use his minion Luke to take the blood of many that night (the titular Harvest) in order to be freed from his mystical prison and thus open the Hellmouth, unleashing all hell on earth and destroying the world. Yikes!

What's the sitch beneath the sitch?
More of the same from part 1. Plus Buffy and her mum's relationship is explored nicely. The troubled teen angle with Buffy's mum fearing that her daughter is headed off the rails again is used to good effect and results in Buffy getting grounded. A major problem when trying to save the world.

Who's giving us the wiggins this week?
Same bunch - nasty vamp The Master (Mark Metcalf), nasty vamp Luke (Brian Thompson) and lovely/nasty vamp Darla (Julie Benz). Mmm, Darla.

Why it rocks
1. If part 1 was the set-up then part 2 is the pay-off. And what fun it is too.

2. Shocks and death. Yep, a major character buys it. A Whedon trademark. Plus real, innocent people get killed as we watch. And a vamp gets his eye gouged out as a punishment. Nice.

3. Mythology. Giles spells out to the gang (now dubbed Slayerettes by Willow) what vampires really are and how they came to be. I loved his explanation about our world's real history, saying that (in a dig at Christianity) “Contrary to popular mythology it was never a paradise...” According to Giles the Earth was originally a demon realm where magic and ancient evil reigned until natural creatures evolved, i.e. man, and learned to banish the ancient ones in to another realm. Now only vestiges of the original demons remain in the form of vampires (really a form of demonic possession) and various other supernatural types. This is all very Lovecraftian with the Hellmouth and the banished ancient ones being straight out of the Necronomicon. Great stuff.

4. The direction. John Kretchmer ramps up the spookiness, tension and excitement for part 2. The sequence underground where Buffy and Xander go to rescue Jesse is great – especially when it turns in to a mini siege. The vamps are really freaky with deathly pale faces, dripping fangs and eyes that shine out of pitch black darkness as they slowly close in for the kill. It's all rather Carpenteresque with a dash of George Romero. Creeptastic.

5. The end fight. At the Harvest, Buffy kicks bloodsucker ass in a well staged smack down. Plus there's a great ending to the fight as “vessel boy” gets it due to slayer trickery followed up by some high impact staking. It's Joss doing one of his usual subverting things again.

6. The last words of the episode. As Buffy, Willow and Xander wander off while making light of Giles' warnings of dangerous things yet to come, Giles turns away and utters in exasperation: “The Earth is doomed.”

Why it sucks
Jesse's final death is anti-climatic and almost throwaway. Plus the stake is nowhere near his heart.

The vamps – especially Luke – come across as a tiny bit thick.

Speaking of thick vamps...why only take a half-dozen or so vamps to The Bronze for The Harvest when there's a potential army of 'em loitering down below? The Harvest is a huge deal and they now know there's a slayer in town to stop it. Stupid vampires. They deserve to get slayed.

The showdown at The Bronze takes place on a Friday night. But at episode's end the gang appears to be back at school the very next day. Tough education system in Sunnydale having school on Saturdays.

It's Buftastic
We get the hero shot at the end of the final fight. That slow pull-in on Buffy, hands on hips, bathed in blue, staring icily at the remaining vamps...who promptly release their hostages, turn tail and run. Whedon said to director Kretchmer “Give me the Spielberg.” And so he did. Think Indy in Temple of Doom. It's so cool they used it as the final hero shot in the credits.

Dialogue to die for
Xander: “The dead rose. We should at least have had an assembly.”

And another thing
We get to know Angel's name. We meet Harmony (Mercedes McNab) for the first time. Plus Willow shows off her computer skills - something that will come in very handy over the next few years. Oh, and this episode's last “The Earth is doomed” line is repeated by Giles in the final ever Buffy episode 'Chosen' just before Buffy, Xander, Willow and Giles split up and head off in to the shows final ever battle.

How many stakes?
It's five by five. 5 (out of 5)

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: 1.1 'Welcome to the Hellmouth'

Writer: Joss Whedon
Director: Charles Martin Smith

What's the sitch?
After burning down the gym of her LA school and being subsequently expelled, Buffy Summers relocates with her mother to the town of Sunnydale where she wants nothing more than to go to school, make some new friends and live like a normal teenage girl. The last thing she wants is to deal with the forces of darkness and slay anymore vampires, no sir. Unfortunately for Buffy her new school's librarian, Mr Giles, ruins all of that on her very first day. As does the discovery of a dead body stuffed in to a student's locker. A body with puncture wounds in the neck and completely drained of all its blood. To make matters even worse Buffy's two new friends Xander and Willow accidentally discover that she's the Slayer and that vampires are real. Then when Willow and another friend called Jesse get kidnapped by a gang of vamps on a mission, Buffy heads out to rescue the pair...only to end up cornered in a crypt about to be savaged by one very big and very bad looking bloodsucker. To be continued.

What's the sitch beneath the sitch?
The metaphor is the main one that underlines the series: High School is hell. But this is primarily about introducing the main characters, the concept and the style of the show. And to keep people watching for part 2.

Who's giving us the wiggins this week?
Nasty vamp The Master (Mark Metcalf), nasty vamp Luke (Brian Thompson) and lovely/nasty vamp Darla (Julie Benz). Mmm, Darla.

Why it rocks
1. Simply, this is a great first half of the pilot. This is the set-up for the story as well as for the show as a whole. Whedon sets up everything and everyone with such economy and style that you feel like you've known these people and their world for ages. That's something Joss can do so well: effortlessly impart so much info in such a short space of time...and you hardly notice because you're having way too much fun.

2. These are wonderful, fully formed characters given life by great performances. We instantly love Xander and Willow. Nicholas Brendon and Alyson Hannigan make sure of that. And SMG as Buffy... Well, she simply owns the role from her very first scene. An icon in the making. Kudos too to Anthony Stewart Head for making Giles something more than the stuffy clichéd British academic he could so easily have been. Plus he likes Bovril. As do I. Way to go British man. A special mention goes to the delectable Julie Benz in her first appearance as vampire Darla. She's gorgeous and sexy as hell. Darla was originally supposed to die at the end of part two but was kept alive for six more episodes. She'd then go on to appear in a few historical flashbacks before being brought back to life proper a few years later in Buffy spin-off series Angel. And thank God for that. Watch Angel seasons 2 and 3 if you doubt me. She's an evil goddess. All praise The Benz.

3. The look of the show. I forgot how dark much of this season looked especially the pilot. Sometimes the lighting can be so dark you can hardly see what's going on, which is good as it uses deep blacks and dense shadows in real old fashioned horror movie fashion. There's also an additional night time colour pallet of sickly yellows and dark blues to help make things a tad unsettling. Interestingly season one was shot on 16mm film as opposed to the usual 35mm. This gives it a slightly grainy, slightly rough look and helps enhance the overall mood. Then there's the set designs. Though done on the cheap (as was the whole of season 1) they are great. The Master's lair, a ruined church buried by an earthquake, is Gothically sumptuous in a dilapidated way. And the set of nightclub The Bronze is perfect with its deep dark corners and industrial overhead walkways and blood red pool tables. It's an instantly cool place where you wanna go hang out.

4. Horror. This may be a fun comedy/action/drama but it's also a horror story. And horror is never too far away. Joss makes sure of that. There are two good jumps in the teaser alone - a sudden smashed window and the vampire reveal. Later on a dead body suddenly falls on to an unsuspecting girl, Buffy is thrown in to a tomb next to a rotting corpse and shortly afterwards a hungry vampire falls upon her from out of nowhere. I know this might seem tame now but back in the day I can imagine a few screams and leaps in seats.

Why it sucks
1. I gotta say that David Boreanaz first appearance as Angel, though a great scene with a great stunt, is hampered by his then rather limited acting ability. Thankfully we know he gets a lot better plus you can feel the red hot chemistry between him and SMG even this early on. Oh yeah, and his big collared Harry Hill shirt is hilarious. Not a good look.

2. The budget. This is modestly budgeted TV although Joss and co. certainly made the best of what they had. But it is glaringly obvious that the school consists of just one short corridor shot from different angles. And though the library set is great and kind of iconic now its a shame it didn't match Joss' original concept – much bigger, darker and scary with rows and rows of books to get lost in.

It's Buftastic
Buffy kicks some major vampire butt for the very first time while unleashing Spider-Man style quips.

Dialogue to die for
Buffy (describing how vampires are made): “They suck your blood. You suck their blood. It's a whole big sucking thing.”

And another thing
Ill fated Jesse (Eric Balfour) was originally going to be in the credits for episodes 1 & 2. But Joss ran out of money to re-cut the titles.

Jesse asking Cordelia to dance at The Bronze and being harshly rejected by her is taken word for word from a real experience of Joss' back in high school. Poor guy.

The whole season was shot and finished before it aired. This allowed Joss and co. to go back and tweak episodes. New material for 'Welcome to the Hellmouth' was shot and inserted in to it after they'd finished the final episode of the season 'Prophesy Girl'.

Alyson Hannigan was not the first actress to play Willow. Riff Regan was originally cast and appeared as Willow in the unaired presentation Joss shot to sell the show to the WB. All the other cast members stayed the same from presentation to series. The role of Willow was recast because Regan, though fine, lacked the shy vulnerability Joss was after.

It was actually Alyson Hannigan who suggested to Joss that cult LA band Nerf Herder, who she was a fan of, should provide the now classic Buffy theme. They did. And the rest is history.

How many stakes?
Almost a full house for Mr Pointy. 4 (out of 5)

It's Whedon brilliant!

I've now bought and devoured SFX magazine's Joss Whedon special where they review every single episode of television he's produced. And may I say what a great job SFX have done with this double issue ode to the man many geeks call god. It's utterly comprehensive and full of new interviews and mucho other cool stuff. If you are at all a fan of the man then I highly recommend you rush out and purchase it asap.

However, after an online conversation with a fellow Whedonite, as well as not agreeing with the SFX opinion on some of the Buffy eps, I've decided to undertake my own little episode guide/review for all seven years of slayage. Okay, so maybe it's just an excuse to break out the DVD's and rewatch them again right from the start, but what can I say? I'm a sucker for the Slayer. And after I'm done with the Bufmeister I may then carry on to Angel and Firefly if the excitement still has me. And if I haven't found anything more meaningful to do with my time.

Anyway, back to Buff. Here's the format for the guide:

- Episode number and title
- Writer
- Director
- What's the sitch? (basic plot outline)
- What's the sitch beneath the sitch? (episode metaphor)
- Who's giving us the wiggins this week? (episode villain(s))
- Why it rocks (what's really good about the episode)
- Why it sucks (what's not so good about the episode)
- It's Buftastic (single best moment of the episode)
- Dialogue to die for (best line in the episode)
- And another thing (any other points of note)
- How many stakes? (an overall episode rating out of five)

I'll post individual episodes as and when I rewatch them and amongst the rest of the usual rubbish I put on here.

So lets get cracking.

The time: early 1997. The place: the seemingly quiet and unassuming town of Sunnydale, California.

However looks can be deceiving. For Sunnydale lies smack bang on top of a hellmouth, a mystical convergence attracting all sorts of dark and dangerous forces to it, forces that threaten the world and could even bring about an apocalypse or two. But luckily for us a very special teenage girl is about to arrive in town. And although she doesn't want to, she'll be forced to battle the forces of darkness and keep a lid on all things hellmouthy while trying to have some kind of a normal life.

So grab yourself an extra pointy stake and prepare for a major case of the wiggins cuz things are gonna get freaky.

The Best of Spike

I found a couple of truly great tribute vids on YouTube to my favourite ever TV character. One of the best gags to be seen on a TV show is featured in part 2. "Out. For. A. Walk. (pause) Bitch." Heh!

Part 1 - I wanna be sedated

Part 2 - Dancing with myself


So how come James Marsters isn't a bigger star?

Edward Cullen gets introduced to Mr Pointy

Now THIS is the Twilight movie I wanna see...

Being a Buffy-holic

Being a Buffy-holic

I recently rewatched the 2008 Paley Television Festival event honouring Buffy the Vampire Slayer that was attended by most of the cast as well as Joss Whedon and many of the writers. Once More with Feeling was screened and then the cast and crew did a long Q&A with the moderator and the audience. The moderator was Matt Roush of TV Guide. Roush, a long time fan of the show, got up at the start and quipped, "My name is Matt and I'm a Buffy-holic." I laughed and nodded in understanding. He wasn’t joking. I know how he feels.

I first watched Buffy the series on Sky TV back in 1998 despite my not exactly liking the original movie it was based on. Word of mouth and critical reaction made me give it a go. I’m glad I did. Season one was great. I really, really liked it. And then it moved in to season two. Spike and Dru arrived. Yay! And about half way through that season the show went and pulled the rug out from under the audience. That’s when I started to truly love it. There was simply nothing else this weird, this witty, this bold, and this emotional on television. And nothing with characters so damn vibrant and likeable who were put through so much endless pain yet kept coming back for more. By the time season three had finished I was forever smitten by this smart, often hilarious, often daft and sometimes incredibly moving show. Season three is still my favourite for two big reasons: Faith and The Mayor. Oh, and Doppelgangland (vampire Willow rocks!”)

Anyway, I realised upon rewatching the Paley Fest thing that, like Mr Roush, I am a Buffy-holic. I admit it. There it is. There has not been a time since the show ended in 2003 that I haven’t been watching it either on reruns on TV or on old taped off the TV videos or latterly on DVD. A couple years back I caved in and bought all seven seasons on DVD as the price had finally dropped to an affordable level. Since then the various seasons have been on continual rotation on my player with only a few short breaks in between. Also, for the past few months the Sci Fi channel has been showing Buffy on weekday evenings (they seem stuck with seasons one, two and three only at the mo) It’s on just after I get home from work. Perfect. A mug of tea. A choccy biscuit. The Slayer. I’ll watch them even though they are heavily edited for language and violence. I’ve also recently finished watching season five on DVD again (though I had to skip The Body this time for personal reasons) and have literally just finished season six. I wasn’t intending to, I swear. I just had a hankering to rewatch the season five opener Buffy vs. Dracula after finishing reading a great new Dracula comic adaptation. And I did watch it. And it was fab. But Whedon & co. pulled me in, so I just kept on going. Then when I got to the end of season five and the Bufster does her sacrificial swan dive from Glory’s Tower I just had to rewatch the start of season six (Bargaining parts 1 & 2) to see her return to the land of the living. And so I did watch it. But – again – Whedon & co. pulled me in. And I rewatched that whole darn season. Grr Argh!

Jeez! I nearly forgot how messed up season six is.

I love it. But, boy, do things (and a certain red headed Wiccan) go to dark places. Destructive and depraved sexual relations, ‘magic’ addiction (the drug metaphor is not well hid), attempted rape (on more than one occasion), cold blooded murder…and the list goes on. What starts out as potentially jokey and very silly with the Trio of villains Andrew, Jonathan and Warren soon gets very nasty indeed. These three regular human beings descend into sub-humanity after initially setting out to just have fun. It’s in this season that Buffy the series develops what is truly its worst villain of all. Warren. He is a human being, not a demon or a god or a vampire or a cyborg. He is a selfish, messed up, misogynistic and utterly despicable human being. Just like the ones that really are out there in the world. He is happy to rape and murder if it makes him feel better about himself. A true monster. And then there is episode 6.19 Seeing Red – probably the darkest and most disturbing episode of the entire show. There is a shocking attempted rape scene that’s very uncomfortable to watch. And there’s the attempted and the actual murder of two main characters that happens in a sudden, brutal and very human manner. The last heartbreaking words of a much loved character being, “Your shirt…?”

Yep, grim stuff indeed. But I understand why.

Joss always said that as the characters grew up then the problems and dangers they’d face should change accordingly. Season six is about adulthood, responsibility, dealing with the big bad that is life in the real world. And so we get Buffy having to work as a wage slave at The Doublemeat Palace to pay the ever growing mound of bills but still having to be bailed out financially by Giles after her house gets flooded by a burst pipe. “Full… copper… re-pipe! No… more… full… copper… re-pipe!” she cries while beating a demon to death in her flooded basement. We also get her being forced in to the mother role to Dawn, taking responsibility for her little sis’s behavioural problems. And other characters are dealing with similar things. Xander and Anya are getting married and talking about having kids and building a life…all of which is starting to freak the Xan Man out. And Willow has to deal with a dangerous addiction that threatens to destroy everything she cares about. Yep, season six is dark, dark stuff. So much so that SMG went to Joss at the time and said she had lost the character. She didn’t know who she was anymore. Which I guess was kinda the point. But Joss agreed that they had gone far enough and needed to pull Buffy back from the darkness and give back to her much of what she’d lost.

So what is it about Buffy? Why am I especially addicted to this one particular show? I mean, there are plenty of other TV shows I love and will happily re-watch from time to time. Just not with quite the same yearning I get for the Bufster’s adventures, that feeling of needing to revisit much-missed friends. The closest is probably Babylon 5. If it ain’t a season of Buffy on rotation them it’s likely to be JMS’s epic sci fi myth spinning in the disc tray. Even classic Trek doesn’t pull me in this much. And I adore classic Trek.

So why Buffy?

I blame that sod Whedon. It’s all his fault. Why did he have to create such brilliant characters with lives and issues that can resonate so well either directly or indirectly? And why did he (and his writers) have to be so damn witty and clever? And why oh why did they have to hire such perfect actors – especially for the core roles? As Buffy, SMG IS perfect. She can go from cute and littlegirlsh to troubled woman (in stylish yet affordable boots) to witty kick-ass super chick in an eye blink. As Xander, Nicky Brendan is a natural comedian with perfect comic timing and an inherent warmth and geekiness that you can’t help but love. Xander is also the everyman, the one with no powers or abilities except for his loyalty to his friends and his quick wit. Alyson Hannigan is never less than adorable as Willow the Witch – except perhaps when she’s veiny Dark Willow or S&M-y Vamp Willow. Mmm…Vamp Willow! Tony Head is stalwart and true as Buffy’s watcher and father figure, Giles, but who has his own dark and troubled side to contend with. Emma Caulfield as Anya, the 1000-year-old ex-vengeance demon turned love interest for Xander, is pure comedy gold. She says what she thinks and what nobody else is ever willing to say. The pause control most people have in their brain to stop themselves from saying something blunt or undiplomatic no matter how truthful it might be is entirely missing from Anya. Her love of money and fear of bunnies only makes her funnier. Even Michelle Trachtenberg as the much maligned Dawn is spot on. Sure, the character is often whiny and annoying, but that’s not Michelle’s fault. She does a great job playing a troubled and angsty teen.

And then there is James Marsters as Spike.

Spike is possibly my favourite television character ever and one of my favourite fictional characters ever. From his first appearance in season two’s School Hard right up to his last on-screen showing in Angel’s final episode Not Fade Away, the platinum bad boy vamp has owned it all. Spike is a mass of contradictions. Starting out as a bloody awful poet called William in 19th century London, he meets Angelus, Drusilla and Darla (Mmm…Darla) and becomes a vampire with some decidedly icky mother issues. Later on he becomes the slayer of Slayers, until, years later, he arrives in Sunnydale where he tries to bag himself a third Slayer scalp before eventually falling in love with his deadliest enemy. Spike is a demon (until season seven anyway). He is a killer, a monster. And yet he feels love and appreciates beauty and things that are good and true…even if he feels compelled to destroy them. He seems to be at some level always at war with his demonic nature, as if the decent man he once was is always trying to get back out, which is something he finally sets out to achieve after the events in season six’s Seeing Red. Spike is also just bloody funny and has a strong anti-everything punk attitude. It is no secret that Spike and Drusilla were initially modelled upon Sid Vicious and Nancy Spungen. Even after he is re-souled at the end of season six, Spike (after going mad for a while) still retains his punk attitude and sarky nature. And James Marsters is never less than awesome in the role. Even in outtakes you can see the ‘fuck you’ attitude he keeps about him while in character. The guy is great. And his English accent is impeccable. Upon first hearing him I thought he was English. Spike also gets many of the best lines in the show.

"Delivering melted cheese on bread, doing your part to keep America constipated."

"I love syphilis more than you"

“YOU MADE A BEAR!”

"I'm saying that Spike had a little trip to the vet, and now he doesn't chase the other puppies any more"

"Hey! What am I, a bleeding broken record? I'm bad. It's just... I can't bite anymore. Thanks to you wankers"

"Well, isn't this usually the part where you kick me in the head and run out, virtue fluttering?"

“Out. For. A. Walk.” (Pause) “BITCH!”

So, anyway, there it is. I’m a Buffy-holic. And I’m not alone. Far from it. Buffy may be gone from TV but she lives and breathes in pop culture fandom all around the world – especially with the continuing season 8 comic. The Paley Fest thing proves it. The show’s 800 plus tickets sold out in two hours flat. People came from all around the world including Asia and Europe with many camping out overnight just to get a good seat. Buffy is constantly being voted as one of the best TV shows of all time, recently making number two in Empire magazines poll. And the season five ender The Gift where Buffy dies to save her sister and the world was voted as the most memorable moment in TV history at the 60th Annual Emmy Awards in 2008. Go Bufster!

So, yeah, I’m a Buffy-holic.

And you know what? I love it.

THIS JUST IN (19/03/10): The UK's SFX Magazine's online poll for the top 25 TV shows of all time has Buffy at number two (Doctor Who is number one)


***

ANYA: (finishing lecturing the rest of the Scoobies) “…The workers are the tools that shape America.”

BUFFY: (off screen) “Good to know.”

We see her. The Slayer’s standing in the doorway, wearing red pants, a red-and-white striped shirt and a red hat with a cartoon cow’s head on top.

BUFFY: “I was kinda feelin' like a tool.”

The Scoobies look at her in shock

BUFFY: “And now I know why.”

Wolf howl. Opening credits.

- From the teaser of 6.12 ‘Doublemeat Palace’ written by Jane Espenson

My Favourite Books of 2009

Being an avid reader I’ve worked my way through a few paper and ink tales this year. I’ve counted up and have read twelve new (to me) books since Jan 1st 2009 and four rereads of ones I love. Also this year I purchased Necronomicon: the best weird fiction of H. P. Lovecraft. It’s a huge hardback book of around nine hundred pages with all Lovecraft’s stories including the famous Herbert West: Re-Animator, From Beyond, At The Mountains of Madness and The Unnameable. I bought it back in the summer and keep dropping in to it to read a short story here and there with still plenty left to go. Creepy, weird and freaky good it is too.

Of the new (to me) books I’ve read this year, my top five are:


5. Go Ask Malice: A Slayer's Diary by Robert Joseph Levy (2006)

A Buffy the Vampire Slayer novel about rogue slayer Faith Lehane, Go Ask Malice is presented as a journal written by Faith herself as a form of therapy encouraged by her social worker. The journal chronicles teenage Faith's troubled life in the few months leading up to her becoming a Slayer and then the first few months after. It ends with Faith, alone once again, making her way to Sunnydale. All Buffy fans know what happened next.

This is pretty dark stuff. Poor Faith had a horrible life as a kid ending up in foster care and finally in a mental institution. It's at that point that a Watcher finds her and takes her in, telling her of her destiny. Faith's Watcher, Professor Diana Dormer, is caring and protective of her new charge and the two, though very different, form a bond. But Faith is having bad dreams and blackouts. Something is trying to take control of her. Something is looking for revenge from beyond the grave. Revenge against the worst of the worst, the beast who still lives. And it is looking to use Faith, a brand new Slayer, as the instrument of its vengeance.

Go Ask Malice is a very good read and a spot on rendering of my second favourite character in the Buffyverse. The author really captures Faith's speech and attitude on the page. I found myself grinning quite a bit at some of the things she says and does with the journal approach allowing for revelatory and confessional insights in to the mind of this tough and smart yet emotionally and psychologically fragile girl. Oh, and we also find out where she gets her saying “Five by Five” from as well. Go Ask Malice is a must for Buffy fans and utterly essential for Faith fans like me while being a very good book in its own right.

4. Frostbitten by Kelley Armstrong (2009)

Frostbitten is book ten of Canadian Author Kelley Armstrong’s Women of the Otherworld series of supernatural drama/thrillers. The series started back in 2001 with the werewolf novel Bitten, but progressed to other interconnected tales of ghosts, witches, demons, half-demons etc. Bitten was told first person by Elena Michaels, the world’s only female werewolf, turned against her will by her (then) ex-lover Clayton Danvers. At the start of Bitten, Elena had already run away from Clay and the werewolf pack that he’d brought her in to and was trying to make a new life for herself while struggling to cope alone with her lycanthropy. However she was soon pulled back in to pack affairs when a full-scale bloody conspiracy threatened to erupt. Elena reluctantly rejoined the pack and over the intervening years she and Clayton have become a couple again and she has had two young twins by him.

Frostbitten is Elena’s fourth book and is set in the snowy wastes of Alaska, where, as the packs chief investigator and enforcer now, she has gone with Clayton to investigate rumoured wolf attacks and the disappearance of several young women. It could be just wild animals with the women’s disappearances a coincidence, but Elena suspects foul play by possible rogue werewolves. The investigation takes a few unexpected turns including dredging up faces from Clayton’s past as well as terrible memories of Elena’s childhood. And soon she discovers that there is something else is out there in the Alaskan wilderness, something previously unknown that stalks the ancient, frozen land. Something so old, primal and ferocious that it terrifies even the most powerful of werewolves.

Frostbitten, as with all Kelley’s books, is a fun read with lots of great characters thrown in to twisty plots and deadly circumstances while struggling with their own personal relationships. It also has some fun with werewolf mythology while delving deeper in to Elena’s psyche and exploring her complex relationship with Clayton as well as her troubled past and her likely future with the pack. There are mysteries to be solved, some steamy sex and plenty of chases and violent, bloody clashes both in the city and out in the snowy wilderness. Kelley’s prose is not particularly flashy but it is firmly character based and crisply descriptive and she has a knack for dry, witty dialogue. This is partly the reason she was brought in last year to write an arc for the new Angel comic at IDW. She is a Joss fan and he a fan of hers. She has the ability to really get deep inside her character’s minds and make them come alive on the page. Reading them (especially Elena, Clay and the rest of the pack) is just like catching up with old friends you haven’t seen for a long while.

But in the end, when all’s said and done, Frostbitten is just a darn good lycanthropic yarn.

3. The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold (2002)

On 6 December 1973 fourteen-year-old Susie Salmon was raped and murdered by her neighbour. In The Lovely Bones, Susie tells us her story in first person narration while watching over her family and friends from her own personalised heaven, ‘the in-between’, watching as they struggle to come to terms with her most awful of deaths.

The Lovely Bones was hard going. Don’t get me wrong, it is a very good book - solidly written, always intriguing and never boring. The problem is the almost unending emotional gut punches it delivers to you. For a parent reading this book I’d imagine it would be one hell of a gruelling experience. I’m not a parent and it was pretty tough for me at times. But, thankfully, despite the horror of Susie’s murder, there is a warmth and hopefulness around the tale. The Lovely Bones is primarily about discovery, growing up and moving on. It’s a unique coming of age story about someone who will never come of age - at least not as she should. It’s a love story about life and about family.

While not the best-written book ever, The Lovely Bones is always fascinating in its telling of a sad but also hopeful tale in a tough and emotionally challenging way. It is quite simply the most emotionally affecting book I’ve ever read. But it didn’t come across as sentimental or manipulative. It didn’t need to. The subject matter; the realistic way characters behave; the ponderings on love, life, loss, family, guilt, childhood - they all ring true. Powerful stuff.


2. The Travelling Vampire Show by Richard Laymon (2000)

It’s a hot August day in 1963 and three sixteen year olds - narrator Dwight and his two best friends Slim, a tomboy girl, and Rusty, an overweight boy, are determined to go and see the titular Travelling Vampire Show coming to their town that very night. The carnival show promises the only real vampire in captivity: the beautiful, seductive and utterly lethal Valeria. To get to see the show at the notorious spot outside of town called Janks Field, the three friends must overcome various obstacles as well as an unfolding mystery that someone or something may actually be out to get them. This all leads up to one heck of a thrilling and blood-curdling finale, which doesn’t go quite where you’d expect it to go.

The Travelling Vampire Show is not just a horror story. It’s also a coming of age tale much like Stephen King’s The Body (filmed as Stand By Me) - only bloodier and sexier. Getting to the Travelling Vampire Show and overcoming the many obstacles in doing so (rabid dogs, parents, troublesome siblings, arguments, accidents etc.) is the main narrative backbone. But supported by that backbone is an affecting story about three kids’ lives, the bad things some of them have had to endure and the friendships and first love that comes out of it all. This is quite a wonderful little tale with characters you can emphasise with and really care about. Slim in particular is a great creation. She’s a total tomboy and the brains of the operation but is a girl with a troubled family life and an identity crisis. She changes her name every few months depending on what book she’s been reading and what character in it she identifies with most. All three teens are on the cusp of adulthood and their relationships are changing - with each other as well as with family and peers. This is one of the main themes of the book: Change. Along with growing up and maturity in what you do and how you behave.

Along with The Stake this is, in my opinion, the late Richard Laymon’s best work. It is very well written, subtle and sensitive where needed and all out bloody, nasty and gross where you’d hope it to be. I’ve been a fan of his work since the early eighties reading his Beast House books. His style of uber-violence, sex and gore, though never very popular in the US, found a willing audience here in the UK. His books were always such wonderful titillation for a young eager horror-loving mind like mine. But the man could also write character and drama with equal amounts of depth and sensitivity when he wanted. He just didn’t do it that often. A shame really.

1. Lonely Werewolf Girl by Martin Millar (2007)

Lonely Werewolf Girl is my favourite new (to me) book I’ve read this past year and the past several years. It does everything exactly right. The characters; the story; the tone and mood; the themes and most of all the humour are all utterly perfect. I’ve never laughed out loud so much while reading a book as I did with this one. It’s like Martin Millar reached in to my brain, scooped out my weirdest, deepest thoughts and wrote this novel just for me. This is most excellent. My only complaint is that the version I have (self-published by the author in the UK for various technical and legal reasons) has quite a few silly typos – something he has apologised for explaining he had no editor or beta reader at the time. The book did have proper publishing deals overseas and has been a big hit. So much so that Martin is currently writing the sequel and a movie is allegedly in the works. A ‘proper’ UK edition of Lonely Werewolf Girl is being published in March 2010, which will have fixed all those typo problems. But to be honest it didn’t really bug me that much as the book is otherwise so well written and wonderfully funny and creative that you just take the typos as a quirk rather in keeping with its punk style.

I won’t bother with a plot synopsis as I’ve already written about this book at length in an earlier blog.

Lonely Werewolf Girl blog post

A great excerpt:

Upstairs, Thrix was shocked at Sarapen’s sudden appearance. She didn’t understand how he could have arrived without her receiving a warning. It was impossible. But there he stood, in his full wolf form, huge and menacing. Vex was nearest to him. She giggled.
“A big wolf! He’s so cute,” she said, and started to pat his head.
Malveria spoke sharply to her niece.
"Agrivex. Please do not pat the werewolf. He is a deadly enemy."
"But he's so cute!"
“Step away this instant.”
Vex withdrew, grumbling that her aunt never let her do anything.

The bottom line is Lonely Werewolf Girl is a fabulous book by a gifted writer who can weave a big, complex tale with a myriad of distinct and interesting characters while juggling drama, action and humour exactly right. I’ve since bought two other books of his to read - Lux the Poet and The Good Fairies of New York. I shall be diving in to The Good Fairies of New York next. A tale about rebellious Scottish fairies going to New York and getting mixed up with a fairy civil war, some oddball humans and The New York Dolls’ Johnny Thunders (?) Sounds bonkers. Yay!

So there you go, my most favoured reading material of 2009. In 2010 Kelley Armstrong has two new books out and Martin Millar has his Lonely Werewolf Girl sequel. Bring it on.